Fashion trends for women that have to go
Bare Legs
Enough with the oiled, legs stuck into heels and no matter the temperature, glistening down the road even if the hands are carrying a snow shovel.
Hair Tchotchkes
Not all of them, a mother of pearl hair comb or a tortoise shell barrette can shine with class, but no more tinsel please. When our heads start to look like Christmas past it's time to dump the trend.
True story: Was shopping in the poultry department of the local supermarket looking for a thanksgiving turkey and almost bought a 22 year old woman instead. She had so many turkey feathers attached to her hair she looked edible. (not true story I lied, but she did need to be plucked for sure)
Platform Spike Heels
Why anyone thinks wearing shoes that look like they were custom made for Frankenstein's monster is cool -- or worse thinking that am-bu-la-ting in these shoes with the same gait as a stilt walker is femine or sexy -- must be really sad we gave up foot binding in the last century.
Glitter Cleavage
If you need glitter to get someone to notice your cleavage you'd be better off spending your money on a good bra rather than sparkles. Crows get distracted by shiny objects but men wonder if after a date with you they'll still sparkle during their morning shave.
Fashion trends for women that must return
Scrunchies
They don't hurt your hair, they aren't hard to use, they should be allowed back into the hair adornment arena and not mocked and scorned.
Crocs
Croc-mocking has reached an all-time high but nothing is as waterproof or lightweight as the Croc -- its wide toe-box keeps hammer toes and bunions at bay and even allows for toe-wiggling which sometimes is as necessary as nose-blowing.
Pantyhose
Why buy expensive underthings like smoothers, slimmies, shapers and other types of industrial strength underwear when a good solid pair of pantyhose can do the trick for a lot less money plus, even yellow-white chicken legs or veined-like-a-road-map legs can look lovely without the sticky glow.
Glad I got that (and the glitter) off my chest!
Bare Legs
Enough with the oiled, legs stuck into heels and no matter the temperature, glistening down the road even if the hands are carrying a snow shovel.
Hair Tchotchkes
Not all of them, a mother of pearl hair comb or a tortoise shell barrette can shine with class, but no more tinsel please. When our heads start to look like Christmas past it's time to dump the trend.
True story: Was shopping in the poultry department of the local supermarket looking for a thanksgiving turkey and almost bought a 22 year old woman instead. She had so many turkey feathers attached to her hair she looked edible. (not true story I lied, but she did need to be plucked for sure)
Platform Spike Heels
Why anyone thinks wearing shoes that look like they were custom made for Frankenstein's monster is cool -- or worse thinking that am-bu-la-ting in these shoes with the same gait as a stilt walker is femine or sexy -- must be really sad we gave up foot binding in the last century.
Glitter Cleavage
If you need glitter to get someone to notice your cleavage you'd be better off spending your money on a good bra rather than sparkles. Crows get distracted by shiny objects but men wonder if after a date with you they'll still sparkle during their morning shave.
Fashion trends for women that must return
Scrunchies
They don't hurt your hair, they aren't hard to use, they should be allowed back into the hair adornment arena and not mocked and scorned.
Crocs
Croc-mocking has reached an all-time high but nothing is as waterproof or lightweight as the Croc -- its wide toe-box keeps hammer toes and bunions at bay and even allows for toe-wiggling which sometimes is as necessary as nose-blowing.
Pantyhose
Why buy expensive underthings like smoothers, slimmies, shapers and other types of industrial strength underwear when a good solid pair of pantyhose can do the trick for a lot less money plus, even yellow-white chicken legs or veined-like-a-road-map legs can look lovely without the sticky glow.
Glad I got that (and the glitter) off my chest!
posted by mary bishop | 8:40 AM
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