Give Me my Robe, Put on my Crown; I Have Immortal Longings in Me

From Antony and Cleopatra (V, ii, 282-283)



I have been on a ten-year quest for the perfect after bath, lounge around the house, drink coffee and do the crossword puzzle type of robe, and I finally found it.

Barefoot Dreams Cozy Chic -- put those four words into your long term memory bank if you too are searching for THE perfect robe. It’s truly a dream come true, if you are fussy about your apparel and have specific wants, like I did…this may very well be your dream robe also.

My criteria for the perfect robe was as follows:

Lightweight: I have at least two robes in storage somewhere that weigh about 30 pounds a piece. Sure they’re warm, but I can hardly lift them. I don’t want 30 pounds of robe on my 105 pound frame.

Pefect length for someone 5 feet tall: I am short…I could say petite, but I’m going for real here. Five feet tall is short. Many children in the fifth grade are taller than I am. I do have a woman’s shape, so a child’s robe is great for length but has no room for curves.

I have at least two robes in storage that puddle at my feet, causing me to trip up and down stairs and drag the hem through the slop the dogs leave by their water bowl.

Sometimes I’ve stood at the kitchen counter making toast while my hem was busy wicking up water from the dogs' bowl as my overly-long robe had landed in the bowl without me realizing it--until a good ten inches of robe were soaking wet. Not a fun way to start the day.

Soft and Warm: What good is a robe if it’s some kind of shiny satin that feels like damp eel against your skin? What good is warm if it’s scratchy wool that feels like a man’s beard against your skin? (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, just not in a robe.)

I wanted a robe that would lie upon bare skin like I imagined it would feel to lay naked on a bearskin. Soft, it had to be soft…very soft. I have at least two shiny, slimy feeling (but feminine!) robes in storage and at least two wool robes that are good if you need to file your nails, but don’t have a nail file nearby…yes, you could just rub your nail against the wool and fix that snag in a second.

Attractive: I also have a couple of robes, somewhere in storage, that are almost perfect. But they are made of flannel, and for some reason, the designers of flannel robes think they should all be made in some form of plaid, or worse, be covered in cartoon like animals. I wanted my perfect dream robe to look okay over whatever color jammies I was wearing. A red plaid robe over pink flowered pajama bottoms is not a pretty sight, nor is yellow rubber duckies over green plaid jammie bottoms.

Washable: I didn’t want a robe that had to be sent out to the cleaners. Ridiculous. Robes get dirty. Cuffs fall into coffee cups, they get dog drool on them and marmalade droppings. I wanted my robe to be washed and dried frequently without shrinking, pilling or looking worse for the wear.

Stretchy: I didn’t want a robe that I couldn’t push, pull, tug and adjust without worrying about ripping seams. I wanted to pull it over my knees or roll up the cuffs – I wanted to snuggle on the couch without feeling restricted – I wanted it to breathe and flex and become a second, fluffy skin for me. I have at least two robes in storage that almost made the cut, except they had straight-jacket tendencies when snuggling, so they had to go.

Shape: I have at least two robes in storage that when I put them on, I look like I’ve donned a fat suit. I didn’t want a robe, lightweight or not, to fluff me out until I looked like the Pillsbury Doughboy. I wanted it to drape nicely around my figure – not add on 50 pounds.

It should be obvious by now why I have so many robes in storage: my specifications are a bit much, even I have to admit to this fact.

With 100 dollars in my PayPal account burning electronic holes in my pocket, I began the quest a few weeks ago. I researched and reviewed hundreds of robes. Saw the Barefoot Dreams robes, but they always had an article accompanying the ad saying “Oprah’s Favorite Things” 2003.

I'm not crazy about Oprah. I pretty much refuse to read a book that has her sticker on it…I certainly am not going to by food, bicycles, stuffed animals, sushi or robes based on her opinion. So I would cross off Barefoot Dreams from my list.

Then it dawned on me that I was cutting off my nose – so to speak, and I said screw Oprah, I’m ordering one of these robes as it seems to be perfect robe for me.

Thanks to Lisa, of Lisadesigned.com, I was able to email her a million questions which she answered promptly (and a special thanks to her for not reporting me as an internet stalker.)

I asked about all the above criteria and even more specifics, where did the sash tie fall on someone five feet tall? How big were the arm holes? Could I roll the cuffs up? A few hundred questions later, I placed my order for the Youth-size hooded-wrap robe in cream.

She said it would come in two days (free shipping!) and it did. I even got my name on it because embroidery was free! (Okay a little kitschy but I like it!)

Now I sit here typing, cuddled up in my personalized dream robe -- cozy as can be. Happy as I’ll ever be about an item of clothing so important to me.

For $69.99 I have found robe perfection. Adult sizes are a bit more expensive and the robes come in a standard style that works for both men and women.

My only problem now is the strong desire to wear this robe all day long. There is nothing I own that is more comfortable to wear. Well Barefoot Dreams does make a hoodie jacket in the same material…I could treat myself, now couldn’t I?

Done, wrote Lisa and ordered my new Barefoot Dreams, white, zippered hoodie, which should be on my doorstep in a couple of days.