Blindsided

I don’t know why, but lately this is happening a lot to me. More frequently than I can tolerate.

I’m going along, doing my chores, humming, happy because it’s the first sunny day in a month and I take a break, go upstairs to see what’s on the computer and I get a stinky email. Or maybe it’s the same scenario and the phone rings and I pick it up with a happy hello while the caller is only calling to read me out for some imagined slight.

I pride myself in going out of my way to attempt to please all the important people in my life, starting with my husband and children and moving on to other relatives and friends.

This particular email was from a friend who was upset because I said I might not be able to attend a party for her daughter, a party that happened to be planned on a day that we are having a family party.

Now I’ve done an awful lot for this friend in my life – more than I’ve done for anyone else but my immediate family.

Still, it comes down to a "maybe" for one party, and I’m subjected to a half dozen paragraphs of not nice commentary.

(I was actually trying to figure out a way I could stop by this party to avoid the whole hurt feeling scenario when it would have been highly inconvenient for me and my family to do so.)

Back to the email: Comparisons are brought up as to how much she’s done for me and my family and moves on to other nitpicking, foolish and all encompassing always/never statements.

Good mood plummets to bad mood and now I’m feeling grouchy and mean.

I don’t do well with friends for the simple reason that so many of them seem it’s great sport to “discuss” the relationship or to “clear the air” by telling me something negative about myself. Things that I believe are totally unfair and untrue. And because I never criticize a friend or relative, they must think that they've never done a single thing to hurt my feelings or make me angry.

I have this weird idea that I don’t fight with friends nor do I want them fighting with me. When it gets to that point-- the friendship is put-a-fork-in-it dead.

I don’t like fighting and never have.

I don’t fight with my husband or sister or brother. I never fought with my father or mother. I just don’t fight.

I always think that people are doing the best they can; none of us is perfect; most people don’t try to be hurtful – and I’m self-contained enough not to harbor ill will or have grandiose expectations about how people will behave. When I feel people are taking advantage of me or are lying to me or manipulating me, I end the friendship with a whimper rather than a bang. I just avoid them if I can.

Unfortunately, I am bombarded with people who are always on the edge of hurt feelings and when you try as hard as I do to accommodate all these people one isn’t very happy about the attack phone calls or letters.

So, if you -- and you know who you are -- come and visit my blog, please be advised: if you value our relationship, then keep your criticisms to something real, or better, do what I do, give me the benefit of the doubt.

Anyone else have people who pop up into your happy world and drag you down for no good reason?