First I must release this statement, in response to recent news articles and ca ca do do journalism that insist Crocs are dead: That's a crock!

I still wear my Crocs; I love my Crocs; I shall not give up my Crocs, and I still am cool, very cool. In fact Crocs are cool, your feet never get hot and sweaty like they do in sneakers. Whoever decided to kneecap Crocs must have a hidden agenda. Crocs are good for what they are; lightweight, inexpensive, waterproof, colorful shoes. Long live Crocs!

Next up: Watermelon.

Watermelon farmers must go back to growing watermelons with shiny black seeds. Enough with these pale pink so called "seedless" watermelons that taste like nothing but water.

And they do have seeds, little flabby white seeds as opposed to the wonderfully spitable black seeds that could fly out of your mouth with ease.

These flabby white seeds stick to your chin or hide between two teeth. Kids still pick them out even though they are disguised to look like the same color as the watermelon is: off white.

Watermelons should have red flesh with a green rind and godddamn black seeds. Then they taste good.

Ok I feel better now.