A word to Condoleezza Rice: Hair-do You definitely need a new one. Yours is a hair-don't. I can't quite put my finger on what that hair-do looks like...60s cheerleader? Perky helmet head? What is the purpose of those two flippy things by your ears? Why would an attractive woman go out of her way to look like an truncated version of Pippy Longstocking?

Speaking of hair-dos, where exactly on Donald Trump's head is his bald spot? His "do" is not exactly a traditional comb-over, it is a frothy confection of dyed locks swirling madly as if caught in a wind storm. How does he construct this Rube Goldberg type of invention and isn't he rich enough to buy some new hair?

Blogspot predicts I will have 0 visitors at my blog today. What a bummer. I take exception with Blogspot's prediction.

How do they know that I won't pay people to come to Tchotchkes? I'd visit a blog for $1 and I have 48 dollars in my wallet so I could pay 48 people to visit my site and prove Blogspot wrong.

I could also take an ad out in the newspaper and beg people to come to my blog. I could call up everyone I ever met who has a computer and whine and pule until they promised to visit my blog.

Truth is, although I am not anonymous, I am also not out with all family and friends. What would they think of me if they read my drivel? They might even come up with a formula on how many hours I spend on the computer by multiplying the number or words I write by my typing speed and dividing this number by the number of let-the-dogs-out breaks.

Still, it hurts when Blogspot tells me no visitors are expected today. Where do they get their knowledge? What if all of a sudden I am discovered by the blogging community? Will Blogspot apologize to me for their prediction or will they change it like the weather people do? Do they hold no responsibility for their statement that 0 visitors are expected today? What if I were borderline suicidal and this pushed me over the edge. What if the lack of people interested in my blog caused me to give up writing in general and instead I decided to grow ferns or pickle eggs? Who would be left to pick on people, huh?