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Thursday, March 10, 2005

Words and Phrases Anonymous, care to join?

My name is Mary and I'm a word-abuser.

I, without the benefit of any intervention might I add, have taken it upon myself to clean up my language and stop using trite sayings and words. Step one in the process is to admit you have a problem. I am admitting my problem and below are some of the words and phrases I am giving up for all time.


Uber. It’s past its prime and past its time. You’re a goober if you use uber. I’ve loved uber and used uber up to the point where I cannot stand to see it written or said one more time. I am burying uber in the garden like a tuber. Bye bye uber.

You can’t unring a bell. No you can’t unflush a toilet either, so what?

This phrase has to go. There has to be a better way to express the obvious that somethings can't be undone. I am unusing, unsaying and unwriting this phrase from now on. I will unsing its praises and give a lip wiggle to anyone who uses this phrase in my company.

Peeps. From now on the only peeps that will pass through my lips will be those pastel sugary delights you get at Easter. I will never describe a friend, even a small chicken of a friend as a peep again. I will live my life peep-free. I swear.

Bling bling. I love onomatopoeia. I love the fact that I can spell onomatopoeia and most of you can’t. Five minutes ago I couldn’t spell it either and was looking in the dictionary under A but now I’ve got it down.

You never know when you’ll need to spell this word. Maybe you’ll be invited to a BEE in the near future. On that basis alone, the looming bee invitation, I’d memorize the spelling of this word. Otherwise you may never find it again in any dictionary.

I have a strong feeling for words that sound like what they are describing. But I am swearing off bling bling from this day forward. I am taking bling bling and smelting it down to its raw form: jewelry.

Mad Props. This one’s got to go. Props of any kind-- mad, sad, glad must be unsaid from this day forward. I once used this phrase on a young waitress with tattoos and sparkly things embedded in her face, to describe the great job she’d done in serving us our meal. I used it this one time without feeling foolish.

I felt uber cool when I said it...scratch out uber. Never again. No more props for me. I'm stopping with the props today, no matter what mood they're in.

Cool Beans. I use this phrase a lot. To me the world is filled with opportunities to interject: Cool Beans. I sound like a fool and will never say this again unless someone asks me what is the main ingredient in hummus?

My Bad. I haven't used this but some of you have. Don't say it again. It does something inside my head that isn't good. Never ever say my bad or our bad.

It is not "sick" it is not "phat" it is just bad English. Let's stop the insanity right here and right now. Raise your right hand and repeat after me: I will never use the phrase my bad again, so help me Rhonda!

12 Comments:

Blogger Irina Tsukerman said...

Who's Rhonda?

Interesting, but I happen to hate the phrase "my bad", and never use it personally. It sounds so fake.

Some of the other expressions, such as "cool beans", I've never even heard of. What is it referring to?

Uber I reserve for Nietzsche. That's his territory, not mine. So's "unter". ; )

9:56 AM  
Blogger Irina Tsukerman said...

Who's Rhonda?

Interesting, but I happen to hate the phrase "my bad", and never use it personally. It sounds so fake.

Some of the other expressions, such as "cool beans", I've never even heard of. What is it referring to?

Uber I reserve for Nietzsche. That's his territory, not mine. So's "unter". ; )

9:56 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Help me Rhonda is a Beach Boys song, and since I can't say so help me god, I say so help me Rhonda.

Some day trying to blog. Can't figure out what's going on but I tried numerous times and couldn't get on my own blog. I left a msg on your blog and it isn't there...I'm afraid to do it again, as today there have been double and triple comments or posts everywhere in the bloggin world.

Hope tomorrow is better and sure home that this isn't because of the publicity surrounding Rosie O'Donnell's blog. I like Rosie quite a bit but I like my blog to be up and functioning..I'm addicted!

2:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Help me Rhonda is a Beach Boys song, and since I can't say so help me god, I say so help me Rhonda.

Some day trying to blog. Can't figure out what's going on but I tried numerous times and couldn't get on my own blog. I left a msg on your blog and it isn't there...I'm afraid to do it again, as today there have been double and triple comments or posts everywhere in the bloggin world.

Hope tomorrow is better and sure home that this isn't because of the publicity surrounding Rosie O'Donnell's blog. I like Rosie quite a bit but I like my blog to be up and functioning..I'm addicted!

Well, again this doesn't appear to work so I"ll try other...

2:32 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Doc NOS said...
I'm a self abuser. It's also a phrase I love - a holdover from hairy palm days.
------

Harry Palm, I think I dated him in college.

Onanism is a fine sport. You don't need special equipment. You can play by yourself. Also, you don't have to do it till you go blind, you can stop when you need glasses!

2:54 PM  
Blogger Irina Tsukerman said...

Something's definitely up with Blogger... although I did get your comment eventually! I say we all file a collective lawsuit against the Establishment (the Blogger)?!

7:38 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

DocNOS are you referring to the self-love that shall bear no name? I've never seen you so candid! I'm positively dubious.

Irina: I've had nothing but trouble w/blogger today. How bout a class action?

MB: I love some of the words on your nonolist. Does that make me uncool in your eyes? I won't say which ones, for fear of looking foolish.

7:45 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

It is only I who have taken the pledge LB -- it's up to you to know when you must eliminate a word or phrase from your vocabulary.


Except for "my bad" - no one must ever say that again for any reason.

There should be a penalty or fine for such usage.

7:53 AM  
Blogger Echrai said...

Giving mad props to your homeys with the bling bling and going, "my bad" when they thank you, just doesn't cut it G. If you think uberinsults are cool beans, then it's time you wise up. Your peeps will be hating and as my mother used to say, you can't unring a bell.

Like that? :) I'm horribly guilty of the use of "uber". I use the phrase "Dude" all the time. I insert "totally", "like", and sundry other such phrases that would make me appear to be some Gidget clone or valley girl if you didn't know me better. And my worst sin? I love to constantly split infinitives and I, insert, commas all of the, time, in unneccesary spots.

12:00 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Echrai says: And my worst sin? I love to constantly split infinitives and I, insert, commas all of the, time, in unneccesary spots.

Oh commas are wonderful - so are dashes -- and elipses... and colons: Semi colons work for me; but my favorite is the !!!!!

Which I abuse all the time.

I like how you punctuate E...--!!

8:50 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Wanna come? Lemme pickya up. I hear things like that all day, but to see them in print from someone in a professional situation, egads, very bad.

No one seems to give a fig about proper grammar or diction anymore. They make it up as they go along and somehow it seems to be accepted. Even the venerable NY Times is missing a beat from time to time...that's sad.

7:27 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

G -- one more that I love is widju didju....it fits in a conversation like this: You go visit a friend after the hello's the friend says: hey you didn't bring your dog widju didju? B(arf)

7:29 AM  

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