Dysfunctional Erectile-Dysfunction Ads
The Levitra woman makes me crazy. What’s with her?
That insipid smile; coquettish eyelash-batting; and that baby-voice that seems to be stolen from a preteen cheerleader – all make me want to lunge for the remote and press any button on the thing that will remove her from my sight.
Ugh.
How about her outfit? She’s standing on the porch dressed in nothing but a large men’s shirt, drinking her coffee, while still maintaining the-cat-who-ate-the-canary smile.
The obviously exaggerated, post-coital glow and doltish expression on her face repulse me. Her constant reference to her “man” makes me wonder if this is the only man she’s ever biblically known. Ain’t you been with a man before lady?
Ugh.
The Cialis and Viagra ads seem more palatable. You see two people dancing, or two chairs side by side and two gray heads, and think…yeah, once in a while these people still want to get it on…okay.
But Ms Levitra is a turn off and this ad is probably responsible for 25% of all cases of erectile dysfunction by its sheer stupidity and the asinine portrayal of Levitra users and their kittenish overly-happy, vapid, aging, women.
The other 75% of erectile-dysfunction cases are caused by advertising any erectile dysfunction medication during sports events.
Picture this: a group of hairy, muscled, testosterone-filled, beer-drinking men sit down in front of the TV to watch a game. They’ve got their chips, Buffalo wings and peanuts.
They’re talking stats and players, ripping open flip-tops and boom! Someone gets on TV to tell them that “Willy the one-eyed wiggley worm” might not always work.
It’s proven that the fear of Willy not working causes Willy to collapse in shame. Resuscitation is sometimes impossible. Willy shrinks into the shadows and refuses to budge. All because he’s now painfully aware of the fact that at any time he could fall into a dead faint and there’s no smelling salts to bring him out of it.
Just in case the ads don’t drive home the fear of a dysfunctional Willy, the billboards surrounding the field or court are plastered with reminders. LEVITRA CIALIS VIAGRA – in letters 6 feet high.
I’m surprised they don’t have cheerleaders shouting:
Woo Woo -- it could happen to you!
Don’t be saps; It could collapse.
For a guaranteed thrill; You must take the pill!
That’ll be next.
The Levitra woman makes me crazy. What’s with her?
That insipid smile; coquettish eyelash-batting; and that baby-voice that seems to be stolen from a preteen cheerleader – all make me want to lunge for the remote and press any button on the thing that will remove her from my sight.
Ugh.
How about her outfit? She’s standing on the porch dressed in nothing but a large men’s shirt, drinking her coffee, while still maintaining the-cat-who-ate-the-canary smile.
The obviously exaggerated, post-coital glow and doltish expression on her face repulse me. Her constant reference to her “man” makes me wonder if this is the only man she’s ever biblically known. Ain’t you been with a man before lady?
Ugh.
The Cialis and Viagra ads seem more palatable. You see two people dancing, or two chairs side by side and two gray heads, and think…yeah, once in a while these people still want to get it on…okay.
But Ms Levitra is a turn off and this ad is probably responsible for 25% of all cases of erectile dysfunction by its sheer stupidity and the asinine portrayal of Levitra users and their kittenish overly-happy, vapid, aging, women.
The other 75% of erectile-dysfunction cases are caused by advertising any erectile dysfunction medication during sports events.
Picture this: a group of hairy, muscled, testosterone-filled, beer-drinking men sit down in front of the TV to watch a game. They’ve got their chips, Buffalo wings and peanuts.
They’re talking stats and players, ripping open flip-tops and boom! Someone gets on TV to tell them that “Willy the one-eyed wiggley worm” might not always work.
It’s proven that the fear of Willy not working causes Willy to collapse in shame. Resuscitation is sometimes impossible. Willy shrinks into the shadows and refuses to budge. All because he’s now painfully aware of the fact that at any time he could fall into a dead faint and there’s no smelling salts to bring him out of it.
Just in case the ads don’t drive home the fear of a dysfunctional Willy, the billboards surrounding the field or court are plastered with reminders. LEVITRA CIALIS VIAGRA – in letters 6 feet high.
I’m surprised they don’t have cheerleaders shouting:
Woo Woo -- it could happen to you!
Don’t be saps; It could collapse.
For a guaranteed thrill; You must take the pill!
That’ll be next.
posted by mary bishop | 6:52 AM
39 Comments:
Ahahahha..crackin me up again. What drives me crazy too is the music they play with these commercials.
For years weve had all the ridiculous douche and feminine hygiene commercials with the bouncing little red dot, nice to see now men have a commercial to be embarrassed about. Oh how bout the one where the guy has the little horns on the top of his head, he pulls her into a lingerie shop,,,,I think they pulled that one. What is the world coming too?
BTW, glad I could be your "something good" that came out of yesterdays post. That doesnt happen very often for me.
Oh damn, dashababy, I forgot to mention that sappy music in my post..you are so right.
I must admit, that Monostat 7 ads have ruinied many a romantic moment for me -- snuggled on the couch, happy and cozy, thinking frisky thoughts and bingo - the TV's talking about vaginal yeast infections -- is this the time to blow in your husband's ear? I think not.
I love the Lavitra woman!
Oops, Levitra (misspelled)
Hey Tom - come back...I want to know why you love the Levitra woman--- we should have a poll here...maybe it's just women who don't like Ms. Levitra; maybe men find her adorable and sexy...Tom come back....
and thanks for stopping by
In the pre viagara days, when I was in my party phase, my friends and I were of course at the bar. We were riding another buddy like a new bike about being so drunk the weekend before that he could not achieve erection. An elderly black gentleman with a much younger lady on his arm overheard us and turned around. He said "Boys Drink Gin. It will make your dick so hard a cat couldnt scratch it." Although personally never trying his advice it did seem like timeless words to live by.
I rarely watch TV and never watch sports and am happy to say that I wouldn't know the Levitra woman if she bit me on the bum. Take from that what you will.
On the levitra babe, It is convenient how they show an older woman who has aged gracefully and is still gettin busy. In the real world they dont show the overweight grandma, with the portruding belly and her boobs draping over it by a foot. A marby light 100 hangin off the corner of her lip sayin git yur ass in here, mammas got an itch. Probably would need a case of gin for that scenario.
Oooh! Gin, eh? I love that quote Jeff. I'm going to have to remember it and whip it out if the occasion should ever arise.
You didn't mention the "male enhancement" commercial for Enzyte. It's done in a retro fifties style. Those Sims-esque people scare the bejezus out of me.
If I had a pinga I couldn't get it up after seeing that.
This is sooo funny (which seems to be my only comment on your page of late, mb). But Jeff...you are the funniest too & just keep making me laugh...oh it is good! =)
The thing that makes me grab the remote is the quickly spoken disclaimer "if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours" yikes....turn the channel.
My brother in law is a doc and he mentioned one time to listen carefully. One of the ads talks about If you sustain an erection for more than 4 hours seek medical assistance. He explained that is called a prioplasm.(again excuse my spelling) A perpetual walking hard on. there is no cure other than surgery and then you are all done erection wise. How is that for some not so truthful advertising. He also used prioplasm for several years as his screen name.
Weetzie and I were posting at the same moment. The 4 hour deal is kinda curious huh?
I think penis jokes have a built in funny factor...even a bad one is still funny...you are not an ass...you have one but aren't one dear Kitsune!
Jeff...it's gin all around I say...cheaper than Viagra and no four hour erections!
Sparky, I love you anyhow!
Weetzie, Jeff takes my post and in his comments makes the whole blog 10 times funnier and more interesting and I don't even pay him to do this!
LB - I haven't seen those ads...what are they for, little weights that wrap around the *unit* and pull on it? No, can't be that, if that would work there'd be no need for male enhancement products ha ha.
Aha! you are talking about King Priap who in myth had a perpetual woody, I do believe...condition known as priapism - and believe me no man wants it as Jeff pointed out.
I like your word too Jeff...but it appears to refer to a disease cats get, would hate for you to mix up the words and end up getting neutered...
MB You are in a league all of your own. Your writings are so funny, I believe in my heart you should consider it professionally. Have you ever? I really look forward to seeing what you have come up with every day. It really sets the tone for the day. It is obvious how much thought you devote to each post. Another thing. Are you the neighbor we all drop in on unexpectedly and then stay all day?
Thanks Jeff - I've written professionally but that writing was "edited" and not fun; this writing is fun to do, and I love meeting all my fellow bloggers.
No stress; no pressure and actually I don't take long to compose something..I usually pour a cup of coffee and something inane pops into my mind and I write about it..
The friend thing...I should write about that some day...the more you are aloof and uncaring the more people LOVE you...
I only have a few friends but that is by choice.
Now Jeff, put on your thinking cap and tell me where I put my husband's birthday gift? I bought him Evita (original cast) - have had it for a few months in ready of his b'day and now it's nowhere to be found...will he like an empty bag for his birthday?
I already took him to a play so this is a small gift but still about $36 and he wants it so...
Help...help me find that double CD!!
Thanks for fixin up my word mixups there Mb. Must be all this Gin I have drank today or else Freud pokin his nose in my Gin,cat,hard-on,and king woody thoughts.
Buy a box of levitra, get out your sharpie and do some editing on the box. Go on ebay and get a pirated copy of evita and stick it in the editied box. Dress in your slinkiest nightie and the break out singing "Don't Sag for me fallenweena" A bag of popcorn, some Mazola, and a plastic sheet on the floor and the Pirated Dvd on tv. A good time will be had by all.
Unfortunately, I've not seen the Levitra woman, as I've recently gone blind. But hearing MB talk about penis recesitation, and laurenbove threatening to 'whip it out' makes up for it all.
My favorite comedian Chris Rock does a joke based on what weetzie said...
If my erection lasts for more than four hours, I'm not calling a doctor, I'm calling a hooker!
jeff...a box of Levitra? Oy!
Sylow, didn't your mother warn you that if you kept "doing that" you'd go blind or grow hair on your palms?
Great line LB..maybe he should call a few hookers...
Oh, I so agree. "My man . . ." Gag me. No wonder he needs pharmaceuticals.
Poor Willy. I never thought of it that way. How far off do you think the telethons are? I'd watch. Hell, I might even pledge.
Ya, If you take your sharpie and x out the la add an e and get rid of the r, You have your ready made evita box. Just looking out for your pocketbook here. MB
Susie...very funny a telethon...laughing wildly...
Jeff, ever since I lost that double CD my brain has turned into mush...I totally missed that clever comment you made and am ashamed you had to spell it out for my dim-sitted brain...
I've turned the house upside down, and it must have been thrown out is all I can think...but how?
dim-witted...see what I mean? I'm all in a dither...
Is dim sitted when your head is in your ass? If it is then I am dim sitted bout every day.
Did you sneak a lil listen or is it still in the jewel case. Did you show it to any friends? If my interrogation is ineffective we can put you under a spot light. We hav ways of making you talk...You know. (Thats my German dominatrix, black leather voice)
Nope, didn't listen to it...opened the box...think I did that downstairs...brought it upstairs...had it on the spare bed...decided I should hide it and I'm sure put it in the spare dresser where I put small xmas gifts etc.
I have to let it go now...I tell myself I'll either find it or buy another one for him...in the mean time I found shorts I bought him last year but put away and couldn't find..so I have a gift(tags on etc.) ha ha ha..I'm a dolt. Next year I"ll find the CDs...
This woman drives me nuts too. The way she sort of makes her voice crack (accidentally, of course), to make it sound like she's still a teensy bit embarrassed to be talking about it, but making the effort for the sake of "her man" and others.
Every time it comes on, I cringe, but I can't help but watch. It's like watching an accident happen, and getting to see it over again. GAH!
Oh Andrea...that voice crack makes me insane!!! I forgot to mention it...almost impossible to describe but I sure know what you mean...
Doc, I can just picture Pacino as Scarface. "Come say hello to my lil frien."
Doc, I can only borrow a penis from time to time so I won't be shooting anything in it ever...
Do people really do this to themselves?
Jeff, write the script!
Mary
You just short circuited a miswired dynamite in this blog. Fantastic topic. I have no part in this.
I guess if people are idiot enough to inject a mixture of cocaine and heroin (or either individually)
AT ALL...no figuring what they might be idiot enough to do.
That is just nuts! (no pun intended)
Doc, must make the ER staff nuts when a patient comes in who has done serious damage to himself -- all in the name of fun, bigger buzz or bigger whatever...
jac...I'm happy to know you don't inject or ingest --too scary!
Andrea..you made me choke on my cookie I'd just jammed into my mouth...very funny!
laurenbove...if the situation should ARISE... I'm laughing at that one.
A friend of mine has been dating the same guy for 5 years, and they are now getting married. About a year ago when the commercial was on, she was at her moms house. She turned to her mom and asked...what happens if an erection lasts more than 4 hours without taking the drug?
The night she told us that story...there was a group of us...we kept going back to that. We said..how are we ever going to look at X again. One person said...next time I see him I'll give him a high 5, and he'll be asking you why all your friends are giving him high 5's.
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