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Location: Connecticut, United States

marybb1@gmail.com

Monday, June 06, 2005

Get a Horse

As of October 1, 2005, you won’t be able to drive a car and talk on a hand-held cell phone in Connecticut.

Our legislators have been very busy this session thinking up new laws; ones that will be harder and harder to enforce-- and ones that are becoming more and more ludicrous.

No matter what they do, they will never be able to pass enough laws to create a state full of good drivers. But dammit, they're going to try.

A responsible person can talk on a cell phone and drive, just like an irresponsible person can cause a five car accident while having two hands on the wheel (at “ten” and “two”) and wearing their Good Driver’s Medal on their lapel.

Good judgment cannot be legislated.

But since they are trying to do this they will have to pass a few more laws about what drivers can and cannot do.

1) No coffee cups, soda cans, or burritos can be held by hand while the car is moving.

2) No smoking cigarettes, and no putting on make up.

3) No turning around, even for a second, to see why your infant is choking in the car seat, that by law, has to face the back of the vehicle, leaving the driving-mother with no view of her child.

4) No holding a Mapquest printout as you drive to a location you’ve never been before.

5) No glancing over at your sweetheart while driving, even if your favorite song is playing on the radio. In fact, no radio. Some songs can cause you to lose your concentration.

6) No heating systems or cooling systems in cars, as occasionally you might glance at the levers to adjust them.

7) No fuel gauges, speedometers or odometers in cars as they too become a distraction if you check to see if you need gas, or how fast you're going, or how many miles you’ve driven.

8) No combing hair, smoothing an eyebrow with your pinky finger, or checking your teeth while driving.

9) No fuzzy dice, baby shoes, Mardis Gras beads or graduation tassles hanging from your rear view mirror.

10) No nose-picking, now I’m not saying that only men do this…nope won’t hear me say that.

(Personally, I’ve never known a woman to believe she was invisible once inside a car, but I have known men that pull right up next to me, insert finger and go at it as if no one could see.)

11) No pets in the car. Especially no big fat Golden Retrievers who like to hang their heads out of the window and slobber down the side of the car. (Distracting for the driver and distracting for other drivers.)

No toy poodles, ferrets or parakeets perched on the drivers lap, shoulder or the wheel itself. No cats, anoles, turtles, hamsters, or gerbils, actually, even though it doesn’t fit in the pet category, NO CHILDREN allowed in cars at any time.

Children are a major cause of accidents; they cry, laugh loud, fight with siblings, throw-up and kick the seat – all reasons for taking the driver’s attention away from the road.

12) No ball-adjusting or panty-hose adjusting while driving. No sneezing, blinking, chewing, coughing or laughing while driving.

13) And if they really want to keep the streets safe, go for broke and pass the law of laws that will keep Connecticut roadways the safest in the nation: no driving period.

23 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

No driving is the only way to keep the roads safe. Hmm, then why have roads? I talk on my cell when I drive. I can multi-task and get two things done at once. When I am on the phone, its not in heavy traffic or bad weather. I'm diligent about it. I usually strap the kids to the hood with duct tape on their mouths, ya know, to cut down on the fighting thats distracting. The other people on the road tend to get into accidents though because they see two kids on the hood, strapped there like a deer. They find it odd. I dont know why....do you?

8:10 AM  
Blogger racingpartsales.com said...

I notice you still can have sex while driving. You just cant make a call to tell your buddies how great it was. You can not have a smoke afterwards if your into that. No turning around so better break out the kama sutra. Oh wait there is no reading. No glancing over afterwards to give that knowing look or the look of "Thats it?" No marking the spot on the mapquest for the next trip. No heating or cooling adjustments so hopefully it was just a lukewarm encounter. No fixin yourself up afterwards so hopefully they were a hottie and not beat with the ugly stick. No chewing your arm off to get away because you could not use the last one to apply the tournequet.
Sounds like your lawmakers have too much idle time. They need a good bounce in the back seat for a new outlook.

10:13 AM  
Blogger Weetzie said...

Great Post as usual! I am guilty of both talking on the cellphone and putting on makeup (only I usually do this at very looong red lights) but but but....I agree that children are the WORST DISTRACTION EVER and I have been known to pull over by the side of the freeway and make mine get out of the car so I can bang my head on the steering wheel in peace. Lawbrat, I never thought of putting them on the car like a deer tho and that, my dear, is and EXCELLENT idea!

10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've done the make-up thing too. Whats ironic, I got a letter from my insurance company congratulating me on NOT doing the make-up, cell phone, turing radio stations, turning up the music, ect stuff and reducing my insurance. :-)

10:26 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

great post mb and I see your point!

There is truth to be found in a point that's taken to the absurd level.

You cannot legislate good judgment or good values. They're all subjective and whose so mighty that they can feel comfortable choosing what is best or right for everyone? I guess CT House/Senate for starters.

You notice how much they love to add laws but how reticent they are to remove the arcane and ridiculous ones?

In CT: You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.
An old Connecticut law banished to use of condoms and all other contraceptive devices. In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset. In Harford, you aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. (Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton)

10:35 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Welcome guarded lilly! Glad you enjoyed the post and do come back!

lawbrat..(when will I remember to swallow my coffee BEFORE I read one of your comments...two kids straped on the hood...hilarious.

jeff, yes, I can still have sex while driving...oh, you didn't mean "moi" haha

Love your comment here - it should be a post, it's very funny!

10:51 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Weetzie, thanks - how about your state...is there another state besides CT and NY with the no hand-held cell phone law?

lawbrat - how does your insurance company know what you do or don't do? Is my insurance company watching me? Hope not..I do all bad things (no nose picking though) mentioned in my post.

10:54 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

LB - very interesting laws that I didn't even know about...geesh, I hate having to give up my evening backward walks in Devon...

But tell me I can't walk the streets on my hands?, and that is one hell of an inconvenience for me....

10:56 AM  
Blogger racingpartsales.com said...

Likewise MB, I am now careful about having a mouthful of coffee while reading your posts! I hate it when puter keys get stuck down in coffee spluge.

11:56 AM  
Blogger jg said...

the whole idea here is one that i have been trying to explain for a long time. you don't need to be specific about what one can do and can't do while driving. just make it so that if you are driving unsafe, for whatever reason, you can be pulled over.

if i'm driving down the road the same as any other driver without any problems and i happen to be talking on my cell phone, leave me alone.

but if i cause an accident while talking on my cell phone, then there's obvious reason to put me at fault, and that's what the law should reflect.

like anyone is going to not talk on their cell phone anyway... please.

oh, and btw, #9 on your list is already illegal...

1:43 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

BK - nope, it is a primary offense. You do get one time when if you go out and buy the headset and show the receipt to the cops, they'll rescind the ticket.

JG -I agree - if somehow a person can drive properly, is causing no problem to anyone else, I don't care if they're doing needlepoint at the same time...I didn't know #9 was illegal, I see lots of crap hanging off people's rear views...usually in a pimped up teen car...

Jeff we'll just have to be damn careful when reading each other's words or our keyboards will suffer the consequences.

1:56 PM  
Blogger paintergirl said...

I have to comment on checking on your child/toddler in the backseat. I have now grown eyes in the back of my head and have the ability to find any lost toy or sippy cup with my out-of-proportionally long right arm.

2:04 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

paintergirl, wouldn't that make a great cartoon?...the picture of the woman with eyes in the back of her head and extra long arm saying: I wasn't born this way, but after driving 3 children around it just happened.

2:21 PM  
Blogger paintergirl said...

That is a GREAT idea! I'm not the best representational artist but I'll see what I can do. It's cracking me up, just thinking about it.

2:31 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Oh goody goody, so glad you're going to give it a try..as soon as I read your comment I could just see a cartoon pop up in my mind's eye -- let me know if you do it!

2:37 PM  
Blogger Weetzie said...

PainterGirl~omigod, I can see that loooong arm fishing around in the back seat now providing all the necessities to infant while mom never takes her eyes off the road!!
MB~They keep trying to pass a no cell phone law while driving in Tennessee but I don't think they actually have yet. Of course, we have totally stupid laws here about where you can buy beer, wine and liquor--you have to go to DIFFERENT stores....really ridiculous but that is totally off topic.

4:21 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Hey Weetzie, remember no rules here so be off topic if you want...

I had the best ribs ever in Tennessee at a place named Calhouns...(being off topic myself)

4:41 PM  
Blogger RedPita said...

how fun it was to get home and see this post and all the comments

you guys and dolls are too funny.

i'll post a witty comment after i sleep. yummy, life giving sleep.

6:47 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Rita Pita: YOU'RE pretty funny yourself. In fact, MB, you've got one hell of a great group going on here. Love it!

Weetzie: That stinks with all the driving for different types of liquor. What is TN subsidized by the oil refinerys??? I'm thinking of gas wastage here.

PG: Yes, get working on that cartoon. It will rock the mommy's who blog and those that know them!

Jeff: You are too damn funny.

I agree completely w/jg and...

Bking...you gotta get some clothes on. I can hardly concentrate. Damn!

7:33 PM  
Blogger Susie said...

I don't know what an anole is. I may well be guilty of this one.

And now, I must dissent. I don't like it when people talk and drive. Some can do it; I think more cannot, without having it adversely affect their driving. It's a sort of thing I play, "I'll bet that one's on the phone..." and sure enough, that one is. Haven't been mistaken yet. Perhaps it could be part of the driving test, and if you can talk and still drive just as well, then you can ;)

9:02 PM  
Blogger RedPita said...

that was a nice nap. and this post was just crazy enough to make me dream i was riding a horse in downtown cleveland.

used to do the whole make up thing too until i poked myself a good one in the eye with maybelline great lash. you want to talk about dangerous driving?

speaking of crazy things people do in cars... a friend just told me yesturday that she saw a guy driving weird next to her.. she looked over and he was BUTT NAKED and 'making frineds with himself'. her response out the open window? 'what is WRONG with you?' and he drove away like a maniac.

9:41 PM  
Blogger RedPita said...

oh! and thanks laurenbove. complementing my humour is a sure fire way to get me to lovingly come onto you on your blog.. but wait. i think i did that already today. :)

9:43 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

I don't know what an anole is. I may well be guilty of this one, says Susie...very funny...someday I have to write up the anole story I have...

Hey LB and Rita...glad you're enjoying the comments here..so am I.

Doc...most of us have been down that road if you get my gist...

10:00 AM  

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