The Thanksgiving She Ended up Scraping Mashed Potatoes off the Wall



Although our Thanksgivings certainly don’t resemble that iconic illustration done by Norman Rockwell, we manage to get through the day happily with few if any problems.

We’re lucky.

I have a friend who detests Thanksgiving. She hates it so much that she cooks the whole dinner on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, as if cooking the day before will ward off the evil spirits that caused, in her words: “The Thanksgiving I ended up scraping mashed potatoes off the wall.”

I don’t know all the facts about this Thanksgiving from hell; she never really got into detail about what happened.

But, I do know that besides serving the typical roast turkey, cranberry sauce, sweet potato type of Thanksgiving dinner, she also served a drunk uncle, a weeping mother, a foot-stomping aunt and a fit-throwing teenager.

It had to be one heck of a traumatic event, but it isn’t my story to tell, and I can only list some of the words she used (in no particular order) in describing to me the vile events of the miserable meal, the horrid holiday and the repulsive relatives that made it that way.

Bong
Bloodshot-eyes
Bourbon
Dull knife
Inheritance
“Chunked” turkey
Lumpy potatoes
Inheritance
Tattoo debut
Mother’s china
Inheritance
Stolen crystal
Ex-wife
Aunt Jean’s B.O.
Inheritance
Wine-stain on Grammy’s Irish-lace tablecloth
Removal of false teeth at the dinner table
Sneaking shots in the kitchen
Inheritance


My guess is the fight occurred over someone’s inheritance or lack of inheritance.

It must have been bad if it ended up becoming a food fight.

I know her dining room wallpaper had to be replaced because of wine stains and gravy splatter…I also was informed that mashed potatoes can harden onto wallpaper like cement.

I wish I could tell you more about this Thanksgiving horror story, but as I said before this isn’t my story to tell.

So, this year, like many others, when I sit down at our Thanksgiving table with my family, I will be very thankful of that fact.