Weird Phone Call Day

Did you ever have a day when you were almost afraid to pick up the phone? Or maybe, like most people today, you have caller ID – and there’s no surprises.

I refuse to have caller ID because I don’t want to know who’s calling before I say hello. I’m not sure why I feel that way, but I’ve never had a need to know beforehand, who was on the phone.

I have an answering machine, and if I’m really not in the mood to talk – I let the machine pick up and then make my decision.

I am also frugal and Caller ID is an extra charge on my bill which I don’t need or want.

Until yesterday.

Yesterday, I had about 6 oddball phone calls. Almost as if I were being pranked.

1) Hi I’m Attorney Talksofast in Boston; would you put a note on your neighbor’s door saying I’m trying to get in touch with her? He then gave me an address and a name of someone who doesn’t exist on my street. I said I couldn’t nor wouldn’t do that and he started to thank me profusely. (He must not have heard me right, I thought)

I interrupted him and said:

I 'm sorry, I said I cannot do that for you.

He said: I know.

I said: Then why are you thanking me so profusely for not doing something? He hung up loudly in my ear. Ok.

2) Hi, Wanda, this is Carol.

I say: I’m sorry you have the wrong number.

She says: No, that’s you Wanda, stop kidding around.

I say: no, I’m not Wanda and you have dialed incorrectly.

She says: How do you know I dialed incorrectly.
I say because there is no Wanda living here. Another loud hang up in my ear.

3) I let the machine take this one: Hello, Mrs. Cortland…this is Mrs. Willows, Caitlyn’s preschool teacher calling. Caitlyn appears to be coming down with the flu…she vomited…..

I pick up the phone…now I have to let Mrs. Willows know she’s got the wrong number or poor Caitlyn will be left at school tossing her cookies while Mrs. Willows thinks Caitlyn’s mom will be coming to get her soon.

Mrs. Willows at first swore she dialed correctly and asked is this 555-5555? I said no. She then asked me what she dialed. I said I didn’t give out my phone number over the phone. She abruptly hung up, but no slam.

4) Another ringing and another “I’ll let the machine handle it”. Hi. This is Ed from the garage, your car’s ready. Grand total, with the new linings is: $578.22. Should I charge this to the card you have on file with us…3435 – 2220…

I pick up quickly as I don’t want to know this card number and I feel obligated to both Ed (and the car owner) to let Ed know he’s got the wrong number.

Ed was nice. He didn’t quiz me about my phone number or who I was – he just thanked me and didn’t slam the phone down.

5) Phone rings again and I pick it up…might as well. Obviously it’s a weird phone day and who knows who this person might be. "Hi, this is Bonnie with Verizon."

I’m on the no call list -- state, federal and galaxy if I could register there. I say to her, is this about my account?

She says we have some new programs you might be interested in.

I say, if this call is not directly related to my account then I don’t want to speak to you.

I hang up abruptly this time…beating Bonnie before she can do it to me.

Then there are two hours that go by without the phone ringing. It is peaceful but a bit nerve wracking as I feel another call is going to come in…I can feel it in my bones.

Briiiinnnng

6) Hello, I say.

Hi, we’re trying to locate your house but seem to be lost, we’re delivering the ½ yard of stone you ordered. Can you give us directions to….

I say: Whoa, I didn’t order any stone.

You didn’t order the white, garden bed stone?

No I didn’t.

Is this 555-5555?

No it isn’t.

Is this Mrs. Selkowski?

No it isn’t.

You didn’t order any stone.

None.

Well, are you saying you won’t accept the order?

I’m saying I didn’t order anything.

Okie dokie…but we’re not coming back with it. If I take this stone with me, it’s going back into the yard and you’ll be charged a fee.

I’ll be charged a fee or Mrs. Selkowski will be charged a fee?

Come on…you people do this all the time, decide after you order something you don’t want it.

I put the phone down on the table and came up to the computer where I played about a dozen games of Alchemy before I came back and hung up the now dead phone.

I don’t think I’ve ever had so many wrong numbers in one day.

Full moon, I thought -- until I looked at the calendar and realized the full moon is today.

Hope all the lunatics got their weird calling out of their system yesterday. But one thing I know I’m not picking up the phone today no matter what message is left on the machine.