Lewis the Cat, Tree Branches, Mole Holes, Bird Shit

I already wrote about Lewis here, but I keep thinking about him. We are talking about a cat who some people think should act like a third year med student, or a driver’s ed teacher or Father Finnegan down at the church.

Really, so a cat scratches you. Big Whoop.

I’m not sure how that happened. People are bigger than cats. People have all the skills and abilities to scare off a cat. How a 10 pound cat could attack an Avon Lady is beyond me. Unless, the Avon Lady was wearing a new Avon perfume called Eau de Mouse.

So we now want to legislate and litigate cat behavior.

How about tree limbs? Once I was walking down a tree lined street and a small limb, already cracked from a storm, fell and landed on my shoulder causing it to hurt like a summanabitch for about a week. I got a black and blue mark and a few scratches.

Should I have sued the tree? Should the tree be on house arrest? Should we ban trees in general because maybe a limb might fall down?

Recently I twisted my ankle on a mole hole. Why haven’t the local cops rounded up all the moles in Connecticut and put them on trial?

(I went to an outdoor wedding where the bride resplendent in her white dress and veil was bombed with a white glob of bird shit just before she said I do. Should she have demanded that all birds be shot on sight? Should she have sued the Audubon Society for pain and suffering?)

Cats, trees, moles and birds exist and sometimes you get a scratch or a bruise or a scrape or even some shit dropped on you.

Is it possible we can alter these acts of nature?

People have to lighten up and realize – just like our bride here – that shit happens.