What Ifs?

I need help.

I need inspiration and ideas on how to purge. I’m not happy in the current shape I’m in and I suffer from a form of gluttony that is quite powerful. Purging is the only way I can think of to pare down and gain control.

Oh, no, I’m not bulimic at all. What I am is a collector: I can’t seem to throw out a single birthday card, book, CD (even if I hate it).

I can’t seem to dump the dowdy ill-fitting clothing that sits in my closet, dusty from no use. The jeans that I used to adore but no longer fit right. The jeans I bought last month when I thought I could deal with the how-low-can-it-go low-rise waist.

The odd little house gifts that people have brought: lilac-scented dusting powder (come on, even my Grandmother didn’t use dusting powder!), the various candle holders in the shape of bunnies, Santas, etc.

(I think: what if they come and ask me where the Santa candleholder is they gave me four years ago or where’s the Scull serving plate they brought me for Halloween? This is one of my main reasons for hanging on to all this junk…the perpetual and paralyzing fear of what if? )

I have four or five computer hard drives in my attic. I am afraid to throw them out because what if someone picks one out of the trash and finds out all my secrets. I’ve saved every bill I’ve ever paid; every pay stub; every Christmas card, mother’s day card, Halloween card.

I still have every end roll of wallpaper, every rug scrap, every piece of tile; all the dried up paint cans that have been used in my house. What if I need them for a repair?

I save every gift bag, every bow, orphan wine glasses, mismatched plates and piles of recipes I have no intention of ever making-- I have a problem folks: I might have makeup in my makeup drawer that was purchased when I was in the seventh grade. (What if Popsicle Pink lipstick comes back into vogue?)

I can’t even throw out my Free Tibet shirt which has more holes than fabric at this point. I’m very attached to this shirt and what if I wake up one day and not a single item of clothing will do except this comfy, super-soft Free Tibet shirt?

So, today I start the process of the great and grand purge. I will be ruthless. I will dump mounds and pounds of useless objects until my home is free from the useless and tasteless debris that can be found behind all closet doors, cupboards and in the attic and basement.

I did learn the basics on how to dump the junk in the main rooms…so my house appears to be neat and tidy, when in reality it is bursting with stuff in every dark corner – from attic to basement.

So here goes, let the purge begin and the first thing I’m ridding myself of is the “what ifs”.

Is there anything you save because of the what ifs and if so, what is it? And what will you do if you throw it out and then decide you need it? What if that happens?

Oh no, here I go again.