Have you ever woken up in the morning, stumbled into the bathroom, flipped on the light and glanced in the mirror to see The Creature from the Black Lagoon?

I have.

A couple of days ago, after what I thought was a peaceful night's sleep, I looked into the mirror and saw this woman with one completely red eye and a 4 inch gash on her cheek. Funny, I hadn't remembered being in a fight with a box-cutter wielding fiend, but it sure looked like I had been.

Then I remembered rousing in the night with my cheek stinging and a faint memory of scratching an itch on my cheek. Yowza! I guess it's my fault.

I had taken the time to do my nails before bed and really did a bang up, salon-quality manicure. What prompted such pampering was the fact my nails seemed to grow overnight and were all the same length and looking pretty good, so I rewarded them with a coat of diamond-hard base epoxy, cherry flambe nail polish and a heavy duty top coat.

Ah vanity, it always gets me in the end.

By reinforcing their strength they became weapons of cheek destruction and I guess I'll have to either cut them or wear mittens to bed.