.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;} <body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d6672601\x26blogName\x3dTchotchkes\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dLIGHT\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://marybishop.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://marybishop.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-6426237810827793284', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
My Photo
Name:
Location: Connecticut, United States

marybb1@gmail.com

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Are You a True Animal Lover?

Take the test below:


Question 1) Do you like cats?



That’s it. That’s the test.



Although there are many people who own exotic pets and love them, and others whose hearts melt for the less exotic pets like gerbils and parakeets, the majority of pets owned in the world are cats and dogs.

Loving dogs is no test of your level of animal love.

For the most part, they are easy to love and even serve a purpose like home security. They will come when they’re called. Most of them will come when called, although I’ve never had a dog this well-trained. The rest will come if you wave a treat in their view.

(This type of food-focused yet disobedient dog, I do have. Sometimes when my dogs are way back in the yard, I have to wave a frozen turkey or half a ham to get their eye.)

Dogs wag their tails. They want to lie on your feet. They follow you around the house and cry when you go out. They let you pet them for hours if you want and pant happily when you walk in the back door.

Dogs show you love and affection by stealing your socks and licking your toes – maybe not the most romantic display of affection, but by their standards pretty nice.

Then comes the cat.

Only if she wants to come. Only if you’ve opened the door seven times while she’s played coy kitty and run away from the door. Once you’re settled back on the couch under the quilt, she will mew pitifully for the eighth time – shivering on the porch as if you refused to let her in.

You feed a dog and he cleans his bowl with gusto, tail wagging away. He’ll drink from the toilet bowl if he can get to it, if not, the old water bowl filled with floaters is fine.

The cat, doesn’t like the cat food you buy. It doesn’t matter what kind you buy, it’s the wrong kind. The cat will sniff at the bowl and look at you as if you were serving dried maggots. No matter that this is Fancy Feast and cost you quite a bit of money considering that the cat, who doesn’t like to eat, can consume three of these tiny cans at one sitting.

But, remember, just like your fat friend who’s always telling you how much weight she lost while she nibbles on her salad, the cat will not allow you to see her enjoying her food either. She will wait till you leave the room to clean her bowl…or is that the dog who did that?

The cat most certainly won’t drink out of a dog’s water bowl – too slimy. She has to have her own dish of fresh water…she likes crystal the best but will accept fine pottery and silver…not plated. She likes Perrier.

If dogs had their way they’d sleep on your bed.

If cats had their way they'd also sleep on your bed, but you would be relegated to the floor. Not enough room for them to stretch out if you’re in the bed.

After you’ve left a dog for 4 or 5 hours, they are damn happy to see you and show it by licking, barking, jumping and tail-wagging. The cat wouldn’t notice that you were gone unless you took a trip to Europe, and even then they’d be fine with it all. Have fun, don’t let the door slap you in your ass, they think.

When a cat wags its tail, look out, move very very slowly away from the cat. Keep moving until the cat is out of striking range. A tail wagging cat is not good, not good at all.

So the test of being a true animal lover really boils down to how you feel about cats.

Do you love cats? Do you really love them?

If than answer is yes, you are in fact a true animal lover and, by the way, a masochist too.

16 Comments:

Blogger Irina Tsukerman said...

I love cats. Not only that, but it appears that my existence is the only one my cat acknowledges in the entire household, so I must be doing something right... : )

11:10 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I like cat's in theory. I like them in the movies and on tv. I like them in people's houses and I like them in my mental picture of a cat at the foot of the bed warming my feet and being cozy.

Reality: I hate the cat vomit on my down comforter at 1030pm. I hate the incessant all hour bellow-meowing when they are put to bed in their basement sleeping zone. I hate the vet bills. I hate the litter box.

Regarding Dogs: They eat underwear and would follow anyone home with bacon in his pocket. So why be flattered?

I used to love animals and then I had children. Something mutated and now I have more then enough opportunity to nurture something.

11:31 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

I'm primarily a cat lover. I like their elegance and snootiness and I love the sound of purring.

I love my 230 pounds of golden retrievers too.

Irina, winning a cat's affection is as rare as winning the lottery. My cats love me but go out of their way not to let me know. I agree that you must be doing something right to have your kitty acknowledge you.

laurenbove, I'm with you on the vomit thing. Some people say cats vomit frequently due to hair balls, I think it's revenge on their part.

12:01 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Have you ever tried to get Red dye #11 from Meow Mix out of your essentially white duvet cover? I'm sorry if I was unaffectionate ealier. Stain story still fresh in my mind.

I do love the beasts of the land. I'm going to adopt a cow. I think I'll call her "Milky"

12:33 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

They dye the pet food colors so the owners will think it looks like real food. To find a non-dyed food one must spend a fortune and I am supporting four furry dependents now so can't buy the high-end, order by mail, dye-free food.

Why do they charge you more for adding dye? Doesn't the dye cost them something?

White duvet cover..hmmmm - can you sell it on ebay and say the stain is in the image of George Bush?

12:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We have two cats, one is Sammy Sosa the other is Monica you-know-who. Both celebrities were making headlines when we adopted the kittens from the shelter. Sammy is a watch cat...better than a watch dog. He will happily bite anyone's ankles except mine and my husband's, especially if they are wearing white ankle socks. Monica lives up to her name.

Do they still make Tender Vittles cat food? I think Meow Mix probably has the same colors as Tender Vittles. I once had shag carpeting with the exact same color mix as Tender Vittles. I was striving for an autumn mood when I bought the carpeting. The autumn mood turned to a carpet from hell when the cats barfed up Tender vittles on it. Problem was, you couldn't tell what was barf and what was not without going barefoot. And to go barefoot, with the squish, squish, underfoot, was something Dante could have included in his Inferno. Now I only buy one color carpeting and one color cat foot. A word to the wise is sufficient.

1:28 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Now I only buy one color carpeting and one color cat foot. hahahahahahahahha you slay me Elaine.

2:02 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

OMG Elaine: You slay me. I can actually feel the slimey mess squishing up between my toes now.

My blog is dead MB. I feel lonely and isolated. How do you get such excellent traffic?

I did get a new visitor today who linked to me. Cool.

2:16 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Fourteen minutes after I said: you slay me Elaine...so sayith laurenbove.

Separated at birth perhaps? Living in a different time zone than I? Same face?

A lover of the word slay?

10:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just went to blogspot.com. What is this? How do you get your own blogspot? Does this cost money!
Anyhow I like what you write about marybishop....real stuff. Cat vomit and motherinlaws. I'll be back...Marcy L.

ps you might be the mary bishop I know LOL

10:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Mary! Emily here...love the Oprah essay (what do you call them...posts?) and like this one too.I adore cats because they aren't easy...it takes work to love a cat and vice versa. I promise I will get one of my own bloggs soon!

11:42 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Who are you Emily R - someone I know? You seem like a friend.

12:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL! My grandmother claims to be able to talk with her cats. One time she upsetted one of them and they pissed on. I LMAO!
Personally, I think cats are too intelligent for animals. I think they are conspiring to take over the world. A coup'de ta over humanity.

1:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hilarious, Emily Post said:

"My grandmother claims to be able to talk with her cats. One time she upsetted one of them and they pissed on."

Typo or wit? I am still laughing!

10:16 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Oh My is it ever easy to get thine own blog...even the cat can do it!

Just go to blogspot.com and click on get your own blog. You will be prompted by the screens in a very simple manner. It's easy to follow just be brave!

As far as setting up all the cool looks you see, there are templates you choose from if you wish. So don't worry about that. Give it a try and feel free to email me or blog me if you have any questions! www.laurenbove.blogspot.com

Have fun!!!

1:00 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

this was a funny interchange I just re-noticed. hahahahahahha

9:45 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home