Are You a True Animal Lover?

Take the test below:


Question 1) Do you like cats?



That’s it. That’s the test.



Although there are many people who own exotic pets and love them, and others whose hearts melt for the less exotic pets like gerbils and parakeets, the majority of pets owned in the world are cats and dogs.

Loving dogs is no test of your level of animal love.

For the most part, they are easy to love and even serve a purpose like home security. They will come when they’re called. Most of them will come when called, although I’ve never had a dog this well-trained. The rest will come if you wave a treat in their view.

(This type of food-focused yet disobedient dog, I do have. Sometimes when my dogs are way back in the yard, I have to wave a frozen turkey or half a ham to get their eye.)

Dogs wag their tails. They want to lie on your feet. They follow you around the house and cry when you go out. They let you pet them for hours if you want and pant happily when you walk in the back door.

Dogs show you love and affection by stealing your socks and licking your toes – maybe not the most romantic display of affection, but by their standards pretty nice.

Then comes the cat.

Only if she wants to come. Only if you’ve opened the door seven times while she’s played coy kitty and run away from the door. Once you’re settled back on the couch under the quilt, she will mew pitifully for the eighth time – shivering on the porch as if you refused to let her in.

You feed a dog and he cleans his bowl with gusto, tail wagging away. He’ll drink from the toilet bowl if he can get to it, if not, the old water bowl filled with floaters is fine.

The cat, doesn’t like the cat food you buy. It doesn’t matter what kind you buy, it’s the wrong kind. The cat will sniff at the bowl and look at you as if you were serving dried maggots. No matter that this is Fancy Feast and cost you quite a bit of money considering that the cat, who doesn’t like to eat, can consume three of these tiny cans at one sitting.

But, remember, just like your fat friend who’s always telling you how much weight she lost while she nibbles on her salad, the cat will not allow you to see her enjoying her food either. She will wait till you leave the room to clean her bowl…or is that the dog who did that?

The cat most certainly won’t drink out of a dog’s water bowl – too slimy. She has to have her own dish of fresh water…she likes crystal the best but will accept fine pottery and silver…not plated. She likes Perrier.

If dogs had their way they’d sleep on your bed.

If cats had their way they'd also sleep on your bed, but you would be relegated to the floor. Not enough room for them to stretch out if you’re in the bed.

After you’ve left a dog for 4 or 5 hours, they are damn happy to see you and show it by licking, barking, jumping and tail-wagging. The cat wouldn’t notice that you were gone unless you took a trip to Europe, and even then they’d be fine with it all. Have fun, don’t let the door slap you in your ass, they think.

When a cat wags its tail, look out, move very very slowly away from the cat. Keep moving until the cat is out of striking range. A tail wagging cat is not good, not good at all.

So the test of being a true animal lover really boils down to how you feel about cats.

Do you love cats? Do you really love them?

If than answer is yes, you are in fact a true animal lover and, by the way, a masochist too.