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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

If you don‘t believe in Jesus or the Easter Bunny, then what in hell do you do on Easter Sunday?

Damn I hate this holiday.

When I was young it meant being dragged into church with new underwear and Mary Jane shoes… (I also had a dress on and usually a form of a hat that made me look like an extremely young Bella Abzug.)

Religion and church in general have always been one of my least favorite things. Growing up Catholic really is rough: Tortured bloody guy, in a diaper, on a cross (!) for a focal point; fat men in dresses gargling some type of chant; heavy perfume and after shave odors in the pews…(maybe that’s why they’re called that?)

I would usually faint which some parishioners thought was my rapture and devotion when in fact it was a way to get out of that building with the mumbo jumbo talk and the body and blood eating talk and then the talk of all talks: the sermon.

Sermons seemed so ridiculous and predictable. If ever there were a sermon that was interesting…like a sermon penned by Mark Twain, I would have stuck around and listened. Instead I could faint on a dime and my old aunt was sure that I had a severe case of the vapors, which I actually might have also had.

So the holiday approaches and I’ve found if husband and I do nothing we feel odd and cheated. We sure aren’t going to any church and we won’t be looking under tables for Easter baskets either. We’ve spent a few Easters working in the yard and grabbing a quick burger at some chain restaurant and what a flat feeling that is.

Ergo, for the past few years, we’ve been orchestrating a friend/family party that has been morphing into a wonderful event – an eat and drink fest with lots of candy as a chaser: a spring Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving, now there’s a holiday I like.

No present giving to anyone for any reason. No expectations of any kind other than eating a meal. No need for special costumes or props. No singing songs around the piano and no “Thanksgiving Music” playing in the background that you’ve heard for weeks and weeks prior to the day. No blow up turkeys (not yet anyhow) tethered to lawns of homeowners with poor taste.

(I say down with the huge blow up holiday characters that, half the time, are pools of plastic, puddled on the lawn – pitiful props popping up in your peripheral vision as you drive down the road hoping one of these monster balloons doesn’t spring free and attack your car.)

Ah yes, Easter – not a holiday I like but the new friend/family party makes the day so much more bearable.

It’s nice to know that some bunny loves you.

20 Comments:

Blogger Unknown said...

I a too, a wee bit sick from the pushpush of holidays in general. Its funny because as a kid, I loved the holidays and it always felt like years before the next one was due. Now I loathe the whole thing because it involves forced spending and false cheer about it.

I do it for the kids. Me? I prefer the regular old days of the week. Thank goodness there are so many of them.

Ugh. I just remembered I have to get a couple dozen eggs to color and throw out.

(I do like the family get-together though.)

8:52 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

HI LB - don't you like egg salad? You can air mail me your eggs and I can eat off of them for a week...I love hard boiled eggs...yummy. In fact, think I'll go downstairs and make a few.

As for holidays...remember less is more:

less work
less food
less preparation
less expectations
less guests
less A fair! <- get it?

11:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you hate the resurrection? don't you see jesus and hear him speaking to you? he's everywhere.

11:33 AM  
Blogger Echrai said...

At the risk of offending anonymous people I don't know; dude, if I'm hearing voices that are all around me, I think it's time to go to the psychiatrist and ask precisely what the symptoms of schizophrenia are.

Holidays are fun when they're not mandatory. So I'm spending a lot more time celebrating made up holidays such as "I'm taking a day off of work for NO REASON WHATSOEVER" and "Happy Sunny Saturday" than I am looking for giftcards and candies and gifts for people. Besides, presents are best and mean so much more when they're unexpected and have absolutely no strings or expectation of reciprocation attached. I haven't drawn my boyfriend into this habit of mine QUITE yet... but soon. *fiendish cackling with much hand rubbing* Soon.

1:47 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Echrai says: presents are best and mean so much more when they're unexpected and have absolutely no strings or expectation of reciprocation attached.
----
I agree -- nothing nicer than a small gift on a Tuesday afternoon in August.

My husband washes my glasses every morning and puts them by my coffee cup. I think that's one hell of a gift - starting the day with clean glasses -- to see out of and to drink out of!

2:11 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Anonymous said...
you hate the *resurrection*? don't you see jesus and hear him speaking to you? he's everywhere.
-----------

Well I love *erections*, so does that count?

As I said on another blog, no one's heard or seen from Jesus in about 2005 years.

Low profile is one thing, but 2005 years? That's one hell of a vacation.

2:14 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Me again...I used "one hell of" in the two comments above. I explain this by saying anything about god or religion gives me the heebie jeebies and makes me think of hell, because being in church was hell to me and still is.

2:17 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Hey Bking! Just came back from laughing at your great post about rain. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

Far as I can remember, Good Friday was a really sucko day for Jesus. But he only had to wait two days to be sprung from the tomb and float up to the heavens. If only Terry Schiavo had that opportunity.

2:28 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

HI chrisbilal...

Easter is the time to get the new spring/summer wardrobe, if you wait till you really need lighter weight clothing they're pushing the fall line.

3:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about Cadbury eggs...they make Easter worthwhile!

4:43 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

blogpatrol hates me.


I like easter eggs made of chocolate I also like erections. Put 'em together and it's one hell of a great time! (haha, mb)

BKing: I think they misspelled it. It was originally intended as "Goof Friday." As in: Just a Goof, not dead!

Oh, yeah chrisbilal, and some new clothes wouldn't hurt either. MB, You can TOTALLY have my old eggs. (that sounded bad, and not yummy at all.)

You guys make me laugh. Even poor ole ...anonymous. Heshe's probably just a polemecist having some fun. Oh, or just maaaaaaybe it's the real Jebus. If so I could use some money, Jebus...puleeze?

5:19 PM  
Blogger Hadley said...

Anonymous, are you saying that you see apparitions and that you hear voices in your head?

7:44 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

HI Hadley and Dani, thanks for stopping by...
D - I love cadbury eggs...

H - I think anon is hearing and seeing things...at least nothing I've ever seen or heard.

LB - chocolate and erections? I call those erceolates!

Should really start a business by that name....

7:56 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

I call those erceolates!
----
NO! mistake...I call them erecolates...sounds much better doesn't it? Obviously I don't use the word often.

8:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We don't celebrate Easter... in the traditional sense...we do something more like echrai and work in the yard or buy plants or something with nature. It usually entails work though and I'd rather go to your party.

8:55 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

MB: You've been tagged! Come to my site today and copy and paste into your blog then fill in your answers. I got it from Echrai. Play with us!

9:04 AM  
Blogger Susie said...

I do the whole thing, the religious, celebrating Jesus thing, and the bunnies, eggs, candy thing.
And I like chocolate and erections, too.
mb, I will be a customer if you start your erecolates business;)

10:13 AM  
Blogger Susie said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:13 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

susie, you are a well rounded person and it sounds like a busy person on Easter Sunday.

I hope your holiday is a wonderful one...I hope everyone who celebrates Easter has a great day. I hope the people that don't celebrate have a great day.

11:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The reason why you don't see or hear from jesus much is that so many people have a personal relationship with him he's very busy remembering their birthdays.

3:06 PM  

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