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Monday, June 20, 2005

Cravings and Cranberries and Objects of Unknown Origin

Note: This is a double post day because I have to have some answers here and now. I've got a severe cranberry problem and I need help!



I’m a craver.

I also pine for and have a yen for.

I’ll be living my life just fine and it will hit me, just like it did last week: “You must have some dried cranberries” an inner voice will say.

My sane self will tell inner voice I’ve never ever bought dried cranberries in my entire life.

Inner voice comes back at me, “Well, how about canned cranberries or frozen cranberries, or at least cranberry juice don’t you want some cranberry juice for crissakes?”

Sane self says no, of course not, I don’t drink cranberry juice. Too tart. I have no need for cranberries of any sort. I buy cranberry sauce when I make a turkey. It’s 80 degrees out and I’m not roasting a turkey thank you very much.

Eventually the inner voice wins and I tell husband to stop and buy dried cranberries on his way home from work.

He does and I’m reading the label and it says it might contain “earthen objects”.

Okay…never saw that before on an ingredient list. Yum yum.

Why can’t the cranberry driers wash the little suckers so they will be free from “earthen objects.” I don’t want any “earthen objects” in my cranberries.

I crave cranberries..not dirt.

Not stuff you might find in dirt either.

Then it dawns of me, worms are earthen objects. Is the label telling me I might be eating worms if I dare to eat any of these shriveled up yet wildly coveted dried-cranberries? Egads, what about the hated and detested bugs that can be found in earth, are they considered earthen objects?

Why can’t the ingredient list just say cranberries. Nothing else.

Earthen objects? – would you want to eat anything that disclosed the information that what was in this container might have some of that in it?

And how come when I did a google search for “earthen objects’ nothing, zero came up.

What kind of dried cranberries did he find in Stop and Shop? Did some creature from the bog rise up from the muck, grab a handle full of cranberries stick them in the sun, wipe his butt with them, then pack them in a solo container and sell them to S & S?

What am I going to do with my craving and my cranberries? Shall the twain ever meet?

Anybody got a recipe that calls for “earthen objects?”

I need help before I turn into a craving maniac!

Righting a Wrong...I never speak of fruit without linking to the glorious Spurious Plum.

She is the beauty of the bog, the chief or the orchards, the princess of the patch and true apple of my eye. Yes, when thinking fruit, I should have instantly linked to the woman known world round for her Fruit Facts. I apologize!

49 Comments:

Blogger Sylow_P said...

First off, dried cranberries are great in stuffing.

Secondly, the reason you didn't find Earthen Objects in a google search is because google owns blogger, and google doesn't index anything you haven't blogged about already.

4:27 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

You're funny Sylow about Google, but I almost think you're correct. They can link one word I wrote a year ago to a word I wrote yesterday and make my blog pop up as number one...ridiculous.

I'm having gray sole tonight..no stuffing..I still want some cranberries...badly...

4:34 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

kevin...that is a very interesting piece of information you dug up...I've heard of such things...but I don't crave dirt or termites - just stinking dried cranberries which I don't know what to do with now that I have them and am now afraid of eating the dirt...

Hmmmm unless my craving is that sophisticated...it pushed for dried cranberries knowing about the earthen objects I might also ingest...aha..maybe you're on to something here...

4:35 PM  
Blogger paintergirl said...

How do cranberries grow? Are they not grown in boggy areas? I may be off my rocker here.
Crans are delicious in scones.

4:41 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Paintergirl..things are going from bad to worse...

Cranberries are grown in "bogs." A bog is an area of wet, spongy ground with soil made up of *decaying vegetative matter*. For cranberries, you also need very sandy, acidic soil. The bogs are traditionally surrounded by "dams" to aid irrigation, flooding and harvesting.

4:45 PM  
Blogger paintergirl said...

So I was curious about some things in my cupboard. I just had a little look and to my horror, the crystallized ginger my son loves, also may contain earthen objects. It also may contain pits, shells and seeds. Ginger doesn't have pits or shells! And why does it have earthen objects? But it was processed in a plant that packages peanuts. not too cool in my mind. If peanuts are so dirty, why don't they have a different facility? Thanks Mary for the public service announcement about earthen objects.

5:16 PM  
Blogger RedPita said...

hmm.. makes me wonder if you have a urinary tract infection looming.


i remember when i was prggers they asked me if i was craving dirt or sucking on rocks. i gave that lady such a crazy look she fell off her stool.

5:49 PM  
Blogger sparklestone said...

That's weird stuff. I love to eat and shop and try new stuff AND I love reading labels and I have never seen "may contain earthen objects." I searched the phrase and got nothing. The phrase "earthen objects" seems primarily to be in use among the archaeology set. Look in your bag of cranberries and check if you see a vase or a lamp or something of that sort.

6:04 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Having some Blogger problems..I already wrote responses but they're not here..

Kevin, Rita...husband was snipped...I think I said pruned in the other comment I left...so no preggers...UI infection? I'm feeling okay...

Sylow I did look in the container hoping to find some Pre Columbian objets d'art...but nothing...not even a stinking relic.

Now I'm concerned if the earthen object is a pebble or a stone, I could ruin a crown eating a cranberry...not a good trade off.

6:25 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Paintergirl...I can't believe it's in the ginger too...where else are earthen objects hiding and why haven't we ever heard a word of warning about them or a definition for that fact...

Scary let's call Fox News....kidding, they'd turn it into a terrorist act...

6:28 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

http://blog.blank-edelman.org/

Go there and scroll to Jan 30th where this fellow blogger found the same warning about earthen objects on his bag of chocolate covered pretzels...

Blog entry title: The Dessert of Archaeologists

6:46 PM  
Blogger racingpartsales.com said...

Cow poopie becomes an earthen object after a few rainstorms and some sun baking.......Just a little food for thought.

6:49 PM  
Blogger dashababy said...

In this crazy world of disclaimers and disclosures..... it would seem neccesary to have that posted on the label. But "earthen objects",,, that does cover a wide range of things. Talk about not being specific. So, to me, anything that is on the earth, that is an object, could be in your cranberries.
Cracks me up on commercials when they rattle off the possible side effects you might get from certain medication. One day I was particularly interested in the commercial concerning menopause/hotflashes but then they said that premarin may cause all sorts of side effects. The very last side effect was yeast infection and I thought,,,"Ok, Ill take the hotflashes anyday over a yeast infection". You can keep your pregnant mare urine, thank you very much, but no thanks.
So Marby, just go have a couple of Cape Cods and be done with your cranberry craving and try not to think about the earthen objects.

7:25 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Thanks Jeff..thanks a lot. I'll be sending you some homemade cranberry poop muffins in the mail!
\;-0
-----

Dashababy, I think you're right..maybe I'll just go right to the Cape Cods and if any earthen object should some how be pulverized into my drink,the alcohol will kill it.

Apparently earthen objects are sneaking into a lot of food we thought safe...

7:31 PM  
Blogger racingpartsales.com said...

send those email ok MB?

7:44 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Jeff --But you'll miss that um er unique aroma!

I'm still obsessed with the whole "earthen objects" ingredient but I can't find anything but that one blog that mentions it...frustrating!

What if I were allergic to "earthen objects"?

7:54 PM  
Blogger racingpartsales.com said...

You could die and become a "heavenly object"

8:01 PM  
Blogger Spurious Nurse said...

Put 'em in white chocolate cranberry coconut cookies and then bake the living crap out of 'em. I always prefer my earthen objects thoroughly cooked, personally...

P.S. Thanks Marybishop. I won't be eating cranberries for awhile. Bogs? Yeep!

10:29 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Jeff - your wit is razor sharp as always...now if the ingredient list said it might contain heavenly objects I would only have to look for a few "wings" "halos" or harp pieces....

8:06 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

asoutherngirl...please be careful, step back from any cranberry packaging plant when laughing your arse off or they'll be sure to place it into the container and the warning will expand to: caution: might contain earthen objects or a southern girl's arse.

8:07 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Ms Plum - first I apologize for not linking to you somewhere on this post. When I think fruit - obviously I think Spurious Plum.

I will be sure to bake the crap out of my cranberries...

That is if I ever have the nerve to use them in any way...right now they are just kitchen kitsch...a true tchotchke...but not rising to an edible food item for obvious reasons.

8:11 AM  
Blogger Weetzie said...

mb, if you have ever bought "bulk" in a health food store or co-op type of operation; it is fairly common to see signs or labels on packaging warning against pebbles or other foreign objects that may have gotten in with the beans or rice or whatever. If you pour out your dried cranberries onto a towel or tabletop and sort thru them carefully, you will be able to remove any "foreign" object- be it earthly or heavenly or even alien in origin. so go forth and enjoy the dried cranberries.

11:13 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Weetzie...at last a voice of reason. I should just sort through them...I'm sure I'd notice an earthen object...which I can remove with gloves or tweezers...

I will then cook the crap out of them ala Plum's advice and see if I can crush the craving.

11:16 AM  
Blogger Weetzie said...

mb, I am not squeamish in the least & if I lived closer, I would be over at your house fixing you some sort of cranberry delight, and you wouldn't have to look at any foreign objects. We would bake up some lovely cranberry muffins and sit and have tea and muffins! =)

11:28 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Weetzie - I so need a friend like you! I am squeamish about many things..for example, when husband buys Provolone cheese from the Italian store..I make him warn me ahead of time so I won't think what I'm smelling is from someone with an upset stomach.

Right now I'm in the throes of garden guilt, numerous heads of beautiful leaf lettuce that need to be picked (by someone other than me...)

11:33 AM  
Blogger Weetzie said...

how do/did you ever deal with baby poop, spit up or pet messes (if you have pets)?

2:09 PM  
Blogger Weetzie said...

I meant the smell of course...you wouldn't be seeing any bugs or earthen objects there -- oh maybe in a pet mess...ha!

2:10 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

My husband has always been in charge of kid and animal messes...sometimes I must do it when he isn't around, but if he is -- he takes care of it.

I do the litter box...and it takes a lot out of me to do it...

2:35 PM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

I looked on Dole and Ocean Spray's websites and found nothing about earthen objects. Althought you can become a member of the Cranberry Club on Ocena Spray's site.

4:13 PM  
Blogger Scott said...

oddly enough, my little puppy (One Speed) Charlie (she's called One Speed Charlie because she only has one speed - as fast as is caninely possible - be it going up/down stairs, eating, everything) has developed a deep love of "earthen objects" that she finds outside. Yes, she eats dirt. And worms occasionally. (she also eats the cat's almond rocca, her own or Hamilton's womit, and 99% of anything I drop on the floor). Yesterday, as I was cleaning up one of her turds on our walk, I noticed that it contained an unusually large component of dirt and rocks. That can't have been comfortable on its way through the system.
No cranberries though.

4:36 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Thanks William for the research help. I Don't think I'm going to join a Cranberry Club until I figure out this whole earthen object problem...but I might find some recipes there..(after I sort like Weetzie said...)

5:13 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

captain underpants, show me a dog who doesn't like dessicated cat turds and I'll show you a fussy pooch indeed.

Amazing that no craberries were found in one-speed Charlie's doo doo.

I once found a red tiddly wink on the top of a perfectly formed dog doo doo which turned it into a faux sundae.

I know more information than you needed, but truly it was amazing...red tiddly wink looked just like a cherry.

5:16 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

My deepest apologies to Sparklestone for calling him Sylow in my comment section. What can I possible do now to make up for this transgression?

5:27 PM  
Blogger Echrai said...

So since cranberries are harvested from water... where ARE these earthen objects coming from?

It's not going to stop me from eating them. I love cranberries, dried, whole, in juice, in jelly, pretty much anything. I'm allergic to oranges so cranberry was my replacement juice growing up. And my mother had THE best cranberry bread recipe. My brother and I would devour the stuff every Thanksgiving and Christmas. Mmm... now I want cranberries.

8:24 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Echrai, I guess the earthen objects come from the muddy part of the bog...

I have emailed the company that sells these dried cranberries but haven't heard back from them yet. I asked them if they could be a bit more specific about what "earthen objects" were - a few examples of what they were talking about -- wonder if they'll write back?

Letter I sent to auroraproduct.com:

I just bought a container of your dried cranberries. On the label of ingredients it says it may contain "earthen objects". What are considered earthen objects? This seems pretty vague to me as earthen objects could mean worms, bugs, cat poop, stones, pebbles, or god knows what.

I'm dying to use them but need to know what that warning means...I have no other food items in my house that have "earthen objects" listed as an ingredient.

Thank you for your time. I am most interested in knowing what you mean so I can use the cranberries.

7:44 AM  
Blogger Weetzie said...

omigod, the red tiddly wink on the top of a perfectly formed dog doo doo which turned it into a faux sundae--THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER! =) Really tho, you are very lucky to have a "mess cleaning hubby". What a treasure that is!

9:20 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

I want to back up a bit...hubby was snipped, all fine and good, but you KNOW those little swimmers sometimes find a way through...don'tcha? ;) (preggers was my first thought when I read this, but I've got babies on the mind all the time...huh...can't imagine why...)

11:50 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Weetzie, I wish I had taken a picture of it...it was amazing, all I can say is amazing.

6:57 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Andrea..you are so cute.

Nope, I have had cravings since I was little..nothing to do with preggo hormones, but might have something to do with everyday women hormones...

Sent second letter to cranberry people about the warning and still no response...

7:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just found this blog, the reason I was looking was because I opened up my bag of oceanspray cranberries and chocolate, tossed a handful into my mouth and bit down. A sharp pain caused me to spit the mouthful into my hand. I looked and seen what my wife and I think to be a rodent bone. It is sharp, like a tooth would be, and kind of hollow. It is about 1/4 inch in one direction to about 3/8 where the point is.

8:26 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Alan! That's terrible!! You should save the piece and keep part of it, ship part of it to them and collect your dental bill costs at least!!

10:25 AM  
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