I Scream; You Scream
There’s an art to eating an ice-cream cone.
I love to watch how people attack the process of ingesting a cone filled with a substance that melts at a rate just a few seconds faster than one’s ability to consume it. There seems to be a contest or race to see if one can lick up every single drip before it spills over onto the cone, or worse, one’s hands, shirt, lap etc.
My least favorite way to eat an ice-cream cone, and my husband’s favorite, is the open-mouthed munch. Hold cone upright, open mouth wide and bite down into the ice cream as deep as one’s teeth allow. I can feel the instant brain freeze as I type this. My teeth are not suitable for being submerged into freezing substances without howling in pain.
I could never eat an ice-cream cone in the same manner I would eat corn-on-the cob, but it is one common method of cone consumption I’ve noticed in my exhaustive studies on the subject.
I have also noticed that few women attack a cone in this manner, but it does seem to be a favorite of the male cone-eaters.
My second least favorite way to eat an ice-cream cone, or see someone eat a cone this way, is the” tongue out/cone spin” style. Open mouth, let tongue extend as long as that little sucker can protrude, hold cone at a 45 degree angle and spin it over the surface of the tongue…round and round and round. Once in a while, it is necessary to pack down the top of the ice-cream scoop until it flattens --usually three or four tongue taps will do, then quickly tongue out as far as possible and start the spinning again.
People who eat ice-cream cones in the tongue/spin method seem more tense than the average cone eater. They have a job to do, and they must do it quickly and efficiently. I wonder if the tonguers taste the ice cream at all or if it’s just neatness that counts?
The head bob/tongue flicker method of eating an ice-cream cone seems to be typically a female style of cone eating. Holding the cone upright, the head bobs up and down upon the cone, with the smallest of pink triangular tongue flicking at the ice cream, holding only a small dollop of ice cream per flicker. Cone rotation is done slowly and only when one side of the ice-cream scoop seems close to becoming concave and therefore structurally unsound.
The side-show of ice-cream cone-eating methods is the cone swallower.
This person attempts to insert as much of the ice-cream cone as is humanly possible into the biggest, “say ah” mouth they can physically create. Simultaneously, as they turn their mouths into an open O reminiscent of Edvard Munch’s “The Scream”, they press the cone up and into their mouths, attempting to surround the circumference of the ice-cream scoop with their mobile stretched lips.
These people are fun to watch. Like the tonguers they have unique abilities that the average person doesn’t have. They can unhinge their jaws, I think, in order to accept all of the ice-cream scoop in one open-mouthed swoop.
In the “born-to-lose,” ice-cream-cone-eater category are those people that experience the compulsion to bite off the end of the cone. Why do they do this? They are going along eating their cone, in whatever manner they’ve chosen and as if god whispered “ do it now” in their ear, they raise it up and bite off the bottom…setting up a gravitational dripping of the ice cream that keeps them licking furiously from top to bottom.
Also in this category is the tongue-thruster. This person uses their tongue to push into the ice-cream often catapulting the ice-cream scoop off onto the pavement, the car seat, their shoes, etc. while they seem quite confused as to how this could have possible occurred.
When I’m at an ice-cream shop, I forego the cone for a sundae. I’ve never been able to master a single cone-eating style that works for me. Plus I’m addicted to the cherry on the top.
There’s an art to eating an ice-cream cone.
I love to watch how people attack the process of ingesting a cone filled with a substance that melts at a rate just a few seconds faster than one’s ability to consume it. There seems to be a contest or race to see if one can lick up every single drip before it spills over onto the cone, or worse, one’s hands, shirt, lap etc.
My least favorite way to eat an ice-cream cone, and my husband’s favorite, is the open-mouthed munch. Hold cone upright, open mouth wide and bite down into the ice cream as deep as one’s teeth allow. I can feel the instant brain freeze as I type this. My teeth are not suitable for being submerged into freezing substances without howling in pain.
I could never eat an ice-cream cone in the same manner I would eat corn-on-the cob, but it is one common method of cone consumption I’ve noticed in my exhaustive studies on the subject.
I have also noticed that few women attack a cone in this manner, but it does seem to be a favorite of the male cone-eaters.
My second least favorite way to eat an ice-cream cone, or see someone eat a cone this way, is the” tongue out/cone spin” style. Open mouth, let tongue extend as long as that little sucker can protrude, hold cone at a 45 degree angle and spin it over the surface of the tongue…round and round and round. Once in a while, it is necessary to pack down the top of the ice-cream scoop until it flattens --usually three or four tongue taps will do, then quickly tongue out as far as possible and start the spinning again.
People who eat ice-cream cones in the tongue/spin method seem more tense than the average cone eater. They have a job to do, and they must do it quickly and efficiently. I wonder if the tonguers taste the ice cream at all or if it’s just neatness that counts?
The head bob/tongue flicker method of eating an ice-cream cone seems to be typically a female style of cone eating. Holding the cone upright, the head bobs up and down upon the cone, with the smallest of pink triangular tongue flicking at the ice cream, holding only a small dollop of ice cream per flicker. Cone rotation is done slowly and only when one side of the ice-cream scoop seems close to becoming concave and therefore structurally unsound.
The side-show of ice-cream cone-eating methods is the cone swallower.
This person attempts to insert as much of the ice-cream cone as is humanly possible into the biggest, “say ah” mouth they can physically create. Simultaneously, as they turn their mouths into an open O reminiscent of Edvard Munch’s “The Scream”, they press the cone up and into their mouths, attempting to surround the circumference of the ice-cream scoop with their mobile stretched lips.
These people are fun to watch. Like the tonguers they have unique abilities that the average person doesn’t have. They can unhinge their jaws, I think, in order to accept all of the ice-cream scoop in one open-mouthed swoop.
In the “born-to-lose,” ice-cream-cone-eater category are those people that experience the compulsion to bite off the end of the cone. Why do they do this? They are going along eating their cone, in whatever manner they’ve chosen and as if god whispered “ do it now” in their ear, they raise it up and bite off the bottom…setting up a gravitational dripping of the ice cream that keeps them licking furiously from top to bottom.
Also in this category is the tongue-thruster. This person uses their tongue to push into the ice-cream often catapulting the ice-cream scoop off onto the pavement, the car seat, their shoes, etc. while they seem quite confused as to how this could have possible occurred.
When I’m at an ice-cream shop, I forego the cone for a sundae. I’ve never been able to master a single cone-eating style that works for me. Plus I’m addicted to the cherry on the top.
25 Comments:
mb, you neglected to specify if the cones are soft serve variety or hard scooped. This does make a difference how one eats the cone.
With soft serve, I tend to be the neat swirly quick-before-it-drips type but I eat a hard scoop cone more slowly and savor it. But I must say, I NEVER BITE THE ICE CREAM!
With softserve I am toungue out spinner. With that style of eating ice cream, my job is not to get it all over me. Plus, I like getting all of the sprinkles off, and I don't want the cone to get all soggy.
Unusual topic for post though. I enjoyed it.
Weetzie, I should have noted I was talking about hard, sugar cones -- these seem to be the most popular around my area...
The soft ice cream tastes like Crisco to me for some reason --so I never buy it.
Ice-cream biters have no nerves in their teeth! (bumper sticker?)
samantha, another reason I don't like soft ice-cream is those usually come in wafer cones which either disintegrate or sog up vs. the hard, crispy pointed cones that stay crunchy to the end.
I don't think there's been enough press on ice-cream cone eating styles...so I'm here to get the job done.
I seem to do all of the above depending upon the meltyness of the cone in question, the nature of the ice-cream getting (date, kids?, craving etc.) and the type of icecream...does it contain chips, nuts, ribbons of fudge, a hard chocolate shell, sprinkles...and so on...
It all depends.
laurenbove, you are a multi faceted ice-cream eater with the ability to adjust ice-cream eating to specific situations...now that's very clever...
Great post today on your blog LB - I enjoyed it!
Hey MB: Thanks for stopping by MF. We always love your comments. (we=me)
You know, when it comes to ice cream or whatever, you just gotta adapt!
I feel like I just read soft serve porn. I am very hungry now. Between this post and Lbs I may go carjack an ice cream truck.
I'm definetly a toungue out spinner. It's a great way to keep that muscle nice and strong!
The soft ice cream tastes like Crisco to me for some reason --so I never buy it.
Thats becasue there is lard in it. No, really.
Jeff,
I am so glad you said it first. This post is a little pornoriffic Mary!
Mary, i see people with ice cream fetishes finding you via google now.
"watch people eat ice cream open mouthed"
"bob method female pink tongue ice cream"
Yes, from now on when Im in the mood, Im going to play a soundtrack from an ice cream truck on the cd player. I for one read every word of this post 2 times. Kudos MB.
What is it that did it for you Jeff? The raised eyebrows that is
They can unhinge their jaws, I think, in order to accept all of the ice-cream scoop in one open-mouthed swoop.
or the snicker worthy and my favorite,
Open mouth, let tongue extend as long as that little sucker can protrude, hold cone at a 45 degree angle and spin it over the surface of the tongue
The head bob/tongue flicker method of eating an ice-cream cone seems to be typically a female style of cone eating. Holding the cone upright, the head bobs up and down upon the cone, with the smallest of pink triangular tongue flicking at the ice cream, holding only a small dollop of ice cream per flicker. Cone rotation is done slowly- Mine dripped outta my cone onto the floor after that.
Jeff,
*laughing my ass off*
mary, see what you have done???
Oh you guys...I truly wasn't doing a tongue in cheek here...just a recounting of the ice-cream cone eaters I've seen lately, and with 90 temps around here...I've been seeing a bit of ice-cream eating...
blush blush...
LARD????? no wonder why I hate that stuff...
Did you know in the old days editors wouldn't let women write headlines because of their propensity for double entendre without knowing what they were doing? An old editor once told me that...
A second read of this post though does indicate to me that one could understand Jeff's perception... ;-)
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Im going to have to hide my subscription to Mbs blog along with my national geographics from when I was a kid.
I think my ice-cream eating post was just a little too close to my Levitra post...
Amazingly enough, I eat it by biting deep into it. I can't stand having ice cream drip on me.
"the head bobs up and down upon the cone, with the smallest of pink triangular tongue flicking..."
this is my favorite method to watch a woman, um, er, eat ice cream...
...or something.
I'm glad I wasn't the only one who was thinking like Jeff and Rita. I kept thinking while I was reading, "Boy, I bet she'll get some really interesting Google hits from THIS post!"
(tongue, bite, lick, hard, mouth, THRUSTER?? I'm still chuckling). And the addition of the word porn in comments will only make it worse :)
Your observstory powers are amazing ! but then I have a question, which ice cream shack has allowed you sit and watch so many ice cream munching with out eating their ice cream ? Nice post Mary.
Irina, Oh you brave girl you -- biting into the ice cream? You must have great teeth!
JG - there appears to be a consensus pointing to that particular style as being number one! (Really, haven't you seen those kinds of cone eaters?)
Andrea, way back when I was *pure* Google would race through every word I ever wrote and find a couple of words that could be put together to turn out pornographic.
Now I'm going with it...bring them on!
Jac - my favorite hobby is watching people...I could do it all day long...
paintergirl, I missed your comment before...the "spinners" are quite talented, perfectionists, might I add...are you a perfectionist?
Just testing my theories on ice-cream cone eating...
Im also a spinner. Its all about not having a mess. I tend to have a perfectionistic side...Im getting over that. :-)
Sad but true, I am a perfectionist in certain things. I'm a very messy painter and cook but I'm a neat ice cream eater.
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