I’m a confessed Luddite.

I just can’t keep up with the changes in technology. I am overwhelmed by my new coffee maker that has so many options, buttons, buzzers and levers, I have trouble making a simple unprogrammed pot of coffee.

The single disk CD player I once owned and could operate was upgraded to the 6 CD player that I could mostly work, to the 400 CD player that I can’t get to play what I want when I want it. Is this progress?

I’m into on and off buttons and that’s about it.

I gave up on photography when the world went digital and I actually got to see what photos I was taking (so very, very bad) rather than back in the film days when with great hope in my heart, I’d send off my film, imagining gorgeous photos returning to me suitable for framing.

Oh the excitement of getting that thick envelope in the mail, my fingers trembling with anticipation as I sifted through the glossy images of ceilings, headless relatives and red-eyed toddlers missing body parts.

I’ve even had some problems with dimmer switches, insisting to husband that the dining room light had blown when it was actually the dimmer dial had been moved to off – leaving darkness as the only option for either push on or push off.

My computer is so sophisticated at this point, the only thing I can do to dumb it down is continue with my dial-up service. I have no wires from my mouse or keyboard to the computer which upsets me on a daily basis. I like wires. They confirm that said mouse and keyboard have a chance of working – after all they’re plugged in.

Now I wonder how the mysteries of the universe have decided that both mouse and keyboard can work without wires and I am absolutely obsessed with the status of batteries I have available to me – currently I have about 6 packs of AA batteries waiting for the moment when both mouse and keyboard crap out for the fun of it.

The remote control situation in my house is absurd. Just by picking one up I hit a button that affects all the other remotes and I usually end up with no way to remotely do a damn thing. (I have learned there’s a mysterious “aux” button that is situated on the main remote exactly where my thumb goes when I pick the damn thing up causing the remote to shut down in disgust and refuse to work no matter what other buttons I push.)

And don’t get me started on picture within a picture – an asinine feature because no one can watch two TV screens at one time unless they have four eyes. Yet this button is located right next to Alternate Channel and I end up with a little mini TV blocking the main screen and again, I just keep pushing buttons hoping against hope it will go away, and all it does is jump from one corner to the other…sneering at me.

So many buttons, beeps, buzzers, manuals, instructions and warnings, I am emotionally drained from dealing with modern technology. I know my car can do lots of interesting things, but I have never read the 10 pound tome that came with it, so my digital clock is the wrong time, the balance is off on my speakers and only I control cruising, not the button that boasts how it can do that for me. I’m lucky I figured out how to put on the heat. (I remember the car salesman was non-plussed when I chose the manual top for my convertible rather than the automatic – he thought I was nuts.)

Nope I’m not nuts, just a lazy Luddite, wanting to keep some of my brain cells and energy for things other than technology.

(Speaking of technology, I do have a BlogPatrol counter that I actually installed on my blog template (took a day) that told me I had 67 visitors yesterday to my blog. This is an amazing amount of people and my usual count is about 15-25 visitors. Please don’t tell me that "crap eating" is that interesting to readers. Anyone have any idea why I was such hot stuff yesterday?)