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Saturday, August 06, 2005

Dear Reflectopornographers,

Very cute idea to display your family jewels on window, mirror, TV and even teapot reflections. I wonder how many reflectoporn pictures you slipped by in online auctions and other public, not pubic, areas of the internet where one can publish photos.

I don’t mean to be rude, and I’m no prude, but really, you just have to buff up before you show it all. The belly hang visible on the famous “kettle” photo is unappealing. The “man in the mirror” looks prepubescent and virtually hairless, except for the rest of his aging body. Not that I have anything against aging bodies, but you really should reflect on your reflection before you capture it on a shiny surface.

I am not criticizing your abilities as a photographer or pornographer, but I think, for the shape you’re in, you are totally over-exposed.

If you think you are turning women on…please reconsider. Women think most of these photos are an F stop and shutter when they see them.

Let me be candid, cameras weren’t meant to be pointed at your apertures. You flash --then wait to see what develops.

Frankly, from what I’ve seen, you need an enlarger. I was not impressed with either your focal point or focal length.

I’ve found the experience of coming across reflectopornography as negative. With time, exposure to these photos will lose their punch. But remember, we’d prefer if you kept your tripod to yourself.

How transparent can you be? We all know these photos are a precursor to the digital manipulation you have planned to coincide with the publishing of your raw photos.

You need time out in a dark room, because the lens of my eye says these photos belong in a scrap heap not a scrapbook.

And to the extremely hirsute man who looked more bear than bare, your Kodiac moment did not make me tear up although I did cry:

EWWWWWWWWW.

13 Comments:

Blogger dashababy said...

LOL. Mary, where did you see this underdeveloped/overexposed person?

8:19 PM  
Blogger kristen said...

Great post once again. I do think those photos are really funny ~ esp. the first one on LB's blog.

Reminds me of someone I saw in the flesh while I was walking up the street in San Francisco years ago.

9:11 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Dasha..laurenbove has had a couple of them on her blog...but go to Snopes.com for the kettle guy....

Comeon...let's see good stuff or nothing...!

Acumamakiki - you poor thing...sometimes it is hard on the eyes to see people in the flesh-- in the flesh...

oh the naked truth of it all...
Thanks for the compliment Acumamakiki - how I love your name!

9:24 AM  
Blogger RedPita said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:04 AM  
Blogger RedPita said...

Mary,
love the post!

While all this is news to most of us, HotMama seemed to know all about it when I mentioned this to her.. i am waiting for her to come by and share her story..

It seems like this trend is all done by men. Ever hear of women reflectoporners?

10:04 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Rita...now you know women would never do such a thing...we'd be: oh my god, I can't post this picture - look how big my ass looks? Ew cellulite thighs..can't show this one...Oh no..boobs look weird in this one..nope, yuck...stretch marks in this one are showing...

While men, bless their hearts, let it all hang out and over with nary a worry.

11:04 AM  
Blogger sparklestone said...

I wasn't aware that this kind of thing was going on. Now that I know...hmmm...now that I know, I don't think my life has changed at all.

I will say, however, that in college I had a metallic bong that I bought in Berkeley which would be perfect for these guys.

7:08 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

A long dong on a bong would make a good photo indeed!

A metallic bong you say? Wow, you must have been rich...all we ever had around here were plastic or ceramic bongs...

8:19 PM  
Blogger sparklestone said...

I wouldn't say "rich," no. It was a 'gotta have it' item. In actuality, with your lips pressed against it, it threw back a rather disconcerting convex image of yourself.

Your comment reminds me of that Long Dong Bong Song. You know the one...about the guy in Hong Kong who ended up with the wrong bong. Man, I love that song!

9:14 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

I think I know that song..he was wearing a thong, as big as King Kong, carrying a gong, playing ping pong, watching Cheech and Chong.

9:22 PM  
Blogger The Egel Nest said...

Coming to this blog is always good for a laugh...

I saw the mirror photo on Lauren's site and had a good laugh...

The funniest thing was seeing what people saw in the photo first...it was like a psychological Ink Blot test.

Funny :)

Bradley Egel
The Egel Nest

3:45 AM  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

That was funny.

2:29 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

HI Bradley -- Hi William, thanks for stopping by...Keep your pants on if you're taking pictures!

3:58 PM  

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