The song below is dedicated to Finbar who is resting comfortably.

No Balls at All

Now listen my children, a story you'll hear.
A song I will sing you; 'twill fill you with cheer.
A charming young maiden was wed in the Fall.
She married a man who had no balls at all.

cho:  No balls at all. No balls at all.
     She married a man who had no balls at all.

The night of the wedding she leaped into bed.
Her breasts were a-heaving; her legs were well spread.
She reached for his penis; his penis was small.
She reached for his balls; he had no balls at all.

``Oh mother, oh mother, oh, what shall I do?
I've married a man who's unable to screw.
(For many long years, I've avoided the call,
Now I've married a man who has no balls at all.'')
or (Oh mother, oh mother, I wish I were dead
   And buried along of my poor maidenhead.)

``Oh daughter, oh daughter, now don't feel so sad;
I had the same trouble with your dear old dad
There are lots of young men who will answer the call
Of the wife of a man who has no balls at all.''

Now the daughter, she followed her mother's advice,
And she found the proceedings exceedingly nice,
And a bouncing young baby was born in the Fall
To the wife of the man who had no balls at all.
(or, "The bouncing young bastard had no balls at all.")

Spoken:  No testicles whatsoever!