The Thong has ended but the Malady Lingers On


A recent news article stated that thong underwear is waning in popularity.

I am not surprised. Thongs are uncomfortable.

If you want to go around bare-ass, then I think that’s fine, but almost bare-ass with a string located somewhere in your butt (deep into the crack until it no longer shows) -- I think that’s not necessarily the most comfortable way to walk around. It strikes me as a pain in the ass – which it is figuratively and literally. For me, anyhow.

I do have a friend who swears by thongs. She says you can get used to the “string in the behind” feeling. Since she has quite an ample derriere, one that would make J-Lo’s arse seem petite, I wonder how she removes her thongs, perhaps with tongs? Tweezers? Minor surgery?

Somehow I think that the reason one’s anus is placed deep between two globes of adipose tissue is to protect it from the hyper-activity it receives when thong underwear are worn.

As hiney thongs become less popular, foot thongs (flip-flops) are gaining in popularity.

I feel about these thongs much the same as I do about the previous thongs. In fact, if I see the word thong, I immediately wince. If it isn’t your crack that’s being rubbed raw as in the above, it’s the space between your big toe and your next-in-line-toe that’s getting rubbed red and sore.

The NY Times Style Section reported on footwear thongs going for $400 and more – and still rubbing the toe crack area into blisters. If I were to wear flip-flops, and if I chose to rub the flesh off of that tiny area between my toes, I would choose to do it with the $1.59 variety you can buy at the grocery store.

But, butts or toes, I refuse to wear a thin string in either crevice, no matter what fashion dictates.

Besides, if you really want no visible panty line – you can fix that by going commando. Now we’re talking comfort.