Orange You Glad You Don’t Use Fake Tanning Creams?

Orange spotty legs, I’ve got ‘em.

Don’t try Neutrogena gradual no-sun, tanning cream…it isn’t gradual and it isn’t exactly tan--more like pumpkin-orange.

The cream is clear, so you have no idea that this stuff is going to work, nor do you know what part of your body has been covered with cream and what parts have been missed.

A few hours later, (for me it was later in the evening at a restaurant when I crossed my legs and noticed my legs looked like a mildewed oranges) you find out what spots you missed and where you overdid it…like my Day-Glo orange ankles…only the fronts by the way.

We were having dinner with my high school friends, who I hadn’t seen in years, so I was doubly nonplussed to see orange ankles which clashed with my maroon skirt. I developed (right before their eyes) a very orange arm and one peachier, salmon colored arm.

I also have a perfect orange hand on my butt, but they didn’t see that, at least.

I am still sporting numerous shades of orange…even scrubbing with a brush doesn’t get rid of this fake tan.

I am funny looking.

In the nude, I look like I could blend into a construction site. Orange everywhere…

Hand me a flag and I’m all set to direct traffic.


I wanted to be bronze like a door hinge.
But I came out looking like an overripe orange.

(Who says you can’t rhyme the word orange?)