The Morning Paper is a Lethal Weapon
Just got through reading my morning newspaper and it’s a good thing I am not suicidal or homicidal as I do believe, the simple act of catching up on the news can lead people to do destructive acts.
We have a horrible tragedy in Pakistan to read about where up to 30,000 people have been killed --and still the after effects of Katrina which destroyed dreams, homes, families and lives.
We’ve got your basic bird flu pandemic with talk of Bush’s idea of imposing martial law to help quell the spread of this flu. Achtung!
We’ve got the Harriet Miers nomination to ponder even though we’ve been told that her “longtime companion?” Nathan L. Hecht, a Texas Supreme Court justice has assured reporters that Miers is personally anti-choice and Bush has repeated: "I made my position very clear in the course of my campaigns. I'm a pro-life president. And I know her. I know her heart. I know what she believes…. And she knows exactly the kind of judge I'm looking for."
Oh goody goody…that quells the worries in my heart! He knows what's in Miers' heart and apparently it's to take control of every uterus in the USA.
We have the dog whose mouth was duct taped closed because the owner said he barked too much and the bag of kittens found floating in a local stream.
Reservists are accounting for more and more deaths in Iraq and there’s a 25 percent chance a devastating earthquake will hit California in the next 20 years.
Had enough yet?
I did…As I was just about ready to sob into a Kleenex, I turned to the sports page. Soon a huge smile took over my face.
The Yankees lost!
Certainly a bad news day in the newspaper…but it held a ray of sunshine for me.
(Apologies to all Yankee fans, but I’m a Mets and Red Sox fan and you know I am not allowed to root for the Yankees under any circumstances, even if your brother is playing first base.)
Just got through reading my morning newspaper and it’s a good thing I am not suicidal or homicidal as I do believe, the simple act of catching up on the news can lead people to do destructive acts.
We have a horrible tragedy in Pakistan to read about where up to 30,000 people have been killed --and still the after effects of Katrina which destroyed dreams, homes, families and lives.
We’ve got your basic bird flu pandemic with talk of Bush’s idea of imposing martial law to help quell the spread of this flu. Achtung!
We’ve got the Harriet Miers nomination to ponder even though we’ve been told that her “longtime companion?” Nathan L. Hecht, a Texas Supreme Court justice has assured reporters that Miers is personally anti-choice and Bush has repeated: "I made my position very clear in the course of my campaigns. I'm a pro-life president. And I know her. I know her heart. I know what she believes…. And she knows exactly the kind of judge I'm looking for."
Oh goody goody…that quells the worries in my heart! He knows what's in Miers' heart and apparently it's to take control of every uterus in the USA.
We have the dog whose mouth was duct taped closed because the owner said he barked too much and the bag of kittens found floating in a local stream.
Reservists are accounting for more and more deaths in Iraq and there’s a 25 percent chance a devastating earthquake will hit California in the next 20 years.
Had enough yet?
I did…As I was just about ready to sob into a Kleenex, I turned to the sports page. Soon a huge smile took over my face.
The Yankees lost!
Certainly a bad news day in the newspaper…but it held a ray of sunshine for me.
(Apologies to all Yankee fans, but I’m a Mets and Red Sox fan and you know I am not allowed to root for the Yankees under any circumstances, even if your brother is playing first base.)
posted by mary bishop | 9:13 AM
22 Comments:
My husband who used to be a die-hard Yankee's fan, now roots for whomever is the 'other' team. He hates their over-blown payroll and he thinks they've ruined the game because it takes away an even playing field. So it was with happiness that he saw the Yanks lost as well. (=
This is why I don't read the newspaper OR watch too much news. I get depressed and just like Chicken Little, KNOW the sky is truly falling.
Best to live in MY world of Disney princess and Arthur, the aardvark that likes to read.
Sparklestone has a Yankees uniform he likes to wear in public; complete with the nut-cup and everything.
I never told him how much that truly weirded me out.
The Onion is about all the news I can handle.
I tend to like my news filtered through comedian commentaries. OTherwise it's just too depressing.
On another note just to amuse the heck out of you ms. bishop :)
In aruba, where i was for my honeymoon - i'd say 30% of the hotel guests were from boston. And were watching the yankees sox game. It was almost embarrassing to reveal that I am a yankees fan. (don't follow baseball enough to be annoyed by payrolls et al... i just vaguely associate with them.)
*BUT* to add insult to injury.. not only am I a yankees fan, and not only was i stuck in a hotel with TONS of redsox fan... but I... married a red sox fan...:D
Acumama, your husband and mine could spend an evening talking about how the Yankee payroll killed baseball! I know what you mean about living in the world of Disney princess etc. -- it is truly a lovely place to be and thank goodness our children have these safe happy places in which to grow up. Just wish we could give them a better world when they reach adulthood!
Sylow, is Sparky's nut cup a small medium or large? Does he also chew chew?
Ilanna -- oh my dear, sorry if my Yankee rant hurt, but I will say your Red Sox loving husband will be a better man than a Yankee fan...I have no idea why I say this other than my husband's a Red Sox fan and he's pretty cool.
I'll let him know you've asked MB. He may not want me to answer for him.
Sylow, it is also important to know if Sparky's cup is half empty...(or half full)
And most of all, does his cup runneth over?
A man's cup tells a lot about the man himself you know...
I'm half tempted to stay uninformed so I'm not so depressed all the time - ignorance is bliss - but what you don't know can kill you, so.....
He says his cup was custom made, something about the need for an 'irregular' fitting.
He also says:
"Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly!"
Personally, I think it attaches to that bungee cord bolted to the ceiling in his garage. He spends a lot of time in there "working on his bike".
When it rains it pours.
I hate the news. Unless it's NPR. They appear to be more credible.
'irregular fit'? That could go in many different directions. (Pun intended)
Echrai...I have almost stopped watching television news, but the local paper is a must with coffee. I might have to alter my ritual though if I find myself glancing loveingly at the Wusthoff knives on my counter...
Sylow, too bad Sparky can't enjoy all this talk about his cup. I am saddened he needed a fitting for irregular cup contents. I am hoping this is only temporary and when he stops "working on his bike" as you call it, the swelling will go down.
WenigGluckliches - I wonder what pours out of Sparky's cup?
Oh my, a man whose cup is filled with scotch...is a man to drink in with both eyes and a big thirst!
Hi Mr. Sparklestone - I am so glad you showed your shiny sparkely face here...
oyuaa!!!!!! my word verification but appropriate for all this cup talk...
One more thing...is the irregularity with your cup (holding scotch et al) due to the fact it's a single malt scotch?
If so don't worry, single malt scotch is liked by many!
You did it MB! You brought Sparky out of retirement.
Now the question is, can you keep him out?
I'm not sure 'irregular' meant swollen. Sparky used to coach little league, before he got the custom cup. I watched him take a baseball bat right in the sack once. I swear that cup was dented at least 3/4 of the way in. I said "dude, are you okay?" And Sparklestone looked at me a little confused and said "never even touched me?"
way to bring the talk back around to baseball. that's worth a Double Scotch Upgrade
JDJ - of course you'd love hockey!
Sylow - funny story reminds me of last Halloween a friend came to my party dressed as a madame with huge boobs she had acquired from rolled up athletic socks.
A gay friend of mine tweaked her obvious faux boobs and she said: I didn't feel a thing.
He replied: Either did I ...
Oh well, maybe you had to be there...
I was getting really depressed reading your news headlines, but.....the Yankees lost. Woo Hoo! My husband said he thought they won. I'm so happy. Anyone but them. I like to see other teams get a chance.
Sparky I'd rather talk about your cup than sports...
I do like sports celebrities, but I'm more into athletic supporters!
Yes, Sylow, the song of the siren lured Sparky back to blogland...
Paintergirl - a small victory for us Yankee deniers in a paper full of Bushshit!
and this is why I dont read the paper. Theres never any GOOD news in there. Besides its all over the news on t.v. No wonder everyone is on anti-depressants with their nightly doomsday reports.
The Yankees are much too uppitty btw. I watched that game and there was a bad call for them but Im glad they didnt also.
Im rooting for the Cardinals all the way baby!
I meant, "Im glad they didnt win also".
Im going now.
I agree Dashababy...you listen to or read the news and feel like offing yourself ....
I'm with you on the news thing. I prefer to read the Onion or watch the Daily show but if I really need the news I do the online news thing and force myself to only read one story at a time. Nobody gets paid to write feel good stories, at least not that I know of.
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