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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

The Grey Squirrel


Like a small grey
coffee-pot,
sits the squirrel.
He is not

all he should be,
kills by dozens
trees, and eats
his red-brown cousins.

The keeper on the
other hand,
who shot him, is
a Christian, and

loves his enemies,
which shows
the squirrel was not
one of those.

Humbert Wolfe

----------------

A male friend, where I used to work, wrote this down for me on a piece of cardboard -- complete with beautiful calligraphy and a fancy border.

He gave it to me one day when he noticed a group of women ( or sharks in shirtwaists) swarming at the water cooler; and even though I thought of them as friendly co-workers they saw me as shark chum. He overheard the talk and felt sorry for me I guess, so he gave me the poem in his handwriting and I've kept it in my office for years.

It seems I don't get along well with women.

I usually find the actions, thoughts, hobbies and interests of men far more appealing.

Not all women, but of the women I am exposed to, most have desires and drives that are foreign to me.

I do not like to make crafts; I prefer a beer to a cup of tea.

I hate shopping and I love sports.

Jeans, tees, flip-flops and a neat, but unfussed with ponytail, take me through most of my days.

Girls night out is not appealing to me as I have no interest in seeing a chick-flick and then going for a sundae or a Cosmopolitan.

I do not want to sign up for a home dermabrasion party nor do I want to arrive en masse for a pedicure with 6 other women.

I do not want to either hash up my husband or elevate him to sainthood.

I don't want to talk about my children ad nauseum nor do I feel comfortable in sharing intimate details of any part of my life.

If I'm going to see a new Broadway play, I'd prefer to do it with my husband in the evening, not with women "friends" at a matinee.

So for some reason, when I see the spring squirrels running around the yard, scampering up trees and cheecheecheeing at the neighborhood cats, I think of this poem and my relationships with women and feel a bit sad.

I wish it were different.

I envision this female friend: a regular gal with a brain. Someone who won't let any of the seven deadly sins override a friendship. Someone who can be close without being clingy. Someone who "doesn't know it all" but is still learning like me. Someone who doesn't always need to be the center of attention, but someone who has a spark other than on her gas stove's ignition system.

Someone who might very well be a wife, mother and employee, yet not let those aspects of her life be all she can talk about.

I am thankful for the blog world and the interesting, intelligent and wise women I've met safely on my computer screen. I wish you all lived near me.

And I've also come across blog women who would fit right in with the water-cooler clique and I'm equally glad they don't.

I once started a blog entry titled: Why I Like Men Better than Women.

I never finished it but here's what I did write:

Men don't cry easily or often. When women cry they screw their faces up and let their noses run unwiped. The rare occasions men cry, they keep the action limited to their eyes with no facial deformation.

Men are competitive in sports but not in relationships. Women compete with other women at work, the PTA, cocktail parties, the gym - and most of the time it's all about one-upmanship, envy, jealousy and physical beauty.

I won't quote all of it, but the real truth is I do love women.

I just wish I could meet one I really liked other than on the computer screen.












15 Comments:

Blogger Echrai said...

Unlike you, there are a lot of "girly" things I like - although I hate the thought of them BEING girly. Because I'm not. And like you, I have significant difficulties with women. Most of my friends are and always have been men. The only women I'd ever been close to growing up were gay. Even now, my female friends are generally other females with mostly male friends who are married to or friends with other men. I'm slowly developing the ability to be female friends with them. It's hard. And it's strange for me to encounter women that I don't immediately want to alienate. My mother doesn't understand when I explain how difficult it is for me to find friends like I have now and cite that as a reason for not wanting to move too far away. Then again, she never had much in the way of "real friends" either. Her closest friends were once or twice a year visits and maybe monthly phone calls. Anyhow, I do understand and commiserate. Then again, in many ways, it's not so bad, too. :) If you're not good with female relationships - less cattiness, drama, backstabbing, and improvised solutions to fill a void in shallow lives for you to stumble into. Not that it's how all females are, but... yeah.

9:34 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

E - some women just seem to fall into comfy relationships with other women and others, like us, find it more difficult.

Your last paragraph says it all. Maybe I'm the biggest stumbling block in my same sex relationships...I'm afraid of all those things you delineated.

10:09 AM  
Blogger Irina Tsukerman said...

ANn *extremely* familiar story! I do have female friends, but they are extremely few in number, and very different from the "general" type of women. They are not overly sentimental, gossippy or whiney. And they don't have that ridiculous hysterical softness that I see all too often. I don't know whether I like men more than women, but it so happens that I happen to find myself in male company more often.

10:15 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Me too Irina, I currently have more male friends than female friends...I guess it's always been that way.

10:31 AM  
Blogger RedPita said...

Love, love, love this post Mary! It is going in my top five Tchotckes list.

I have so much to say about this that I must go collect my thoughts and come back.

2:03 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

HI RitaPita! Glad you stopped by! So far, all the women who have commented are exactly the type of women I'd love to know in person!!

8:30 AM  
Blogger Nilbo said...

I wonder if this is one of those "happy medium" things.

I don't like being around "men" ... and I use the quotation marks to differentiate "men" (burpfarthowboutthemredsoxchickshuhwhatchagonnado) from men like me. I can watch sports on TV for hours. I played and coached football at a very high level; I own every power tool and am quite skilled at using them; but I also cook and clean and care what people are wearing to the Oscars and can't stand having dirty hands and LOVED "Mamma Mia" and loved "Sleepless in Seattle" and always get misty at the happy ending.

So I'd rather hang around women than "men" for sure. But I have room for friends who are men (not "men") as long as they share some of my interests. I usually get along exceptionally well with gay men.

I've concluded that it's not necessarily the fact that you have a uterus or testicles - as always, it's what you do with it. I think you and I could hang out and be great buddies.

9:19 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Nilbo...I know we could be great friends, and you'd like husband too as he cooks, cleans, nurtures and tends to the gardens of the soul. He loves opera and ballet and Great Big Sea and will watch college basketball and an occasional baseball or football game while he's baking homemade bread and making dinner. He's not a "man's man," re:burpfarthowboutthem
redsoxchickshuhwhatchagonnado
and maybe some of that comes from having daughters and learning to relate to female children.

And, surprise, our very best friends, couple, "go-on-vacation together" type of friends...are a gay couple. PS Getting misty at an ending of an emotional movie or music is not the crying I'm talking about that women do... I love that in a man....

10:33 AM  
Blogger kristen said...

Me too, MMM. I'm friends with both although lately it's been more women I'm friends with and even then, the number is very small. I don't do well with most women even though I can be quite cliche in my girliness. I know that type of woman; they exist in playgroups around my town or little trio's where the kids often match better than even myself. I've always been a fringe person; not with the in crowd but not ostracized. I guess I'd be fair to middlin' and that's just fine with me. Although I do like to watch the gaggles of women and the whole dynamic. I'm fascinated by what appeals in this situation.

2:14 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Sangroncito...It would be nice to have a strong relationship with a woman...but I guess I should be happy I do have strong bonds with my gay male friends.

Those women, the play group moms, or the PTA moms -- the ones who dress alike and think alike and huddle into small groups with their backs facing out as if to say: you aren't invited in....actually I dislike that type of woman.

I love the ones who think for themselves - I love the "fringe"...women just like you!

2:54 PM  
Blogger Along said...

Wow. This post made me think hard. I've always had close girlfriends at school but for some reason they would change every semester. One of my dormmates said that I had intimaty issues. That I liked getting close, but not too close.

I do girly stuff. I do guy stuff. I like shopping with friends but I'm fine if I have to go alone. I go to the toilet alone. I've never understood the need for women to go in packs. During my university days, my best friend was a guy. Now, I can hardly name a single person that close to me, other than hubby.

All of a sudden that saddens me. But at the same time, I'm content.

I guess I relate better to guys then women. Growing up with 3 brothers kind of makes you that way, I guess.

Sorry, it's nearly midnite. Reading back, none of what I just wrote makes much sense. Just wanted to drop by and say hi.

12:00 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

It makes sense to me Along...I think I also have intimacy issues...I like the idea of having a close woman friend, but I wouldn't want one who'd soak up all my spare time either.

What's your weather like now?

2:26 PM  
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