Peg got me thinking about “feminine” things over at her place. By the way, do drop by to read Peg’s latest: Alternative names for vaginal discharge.
Okay, it doesn’t sound like it would elicit a rollicking good conversation but I know I’m having so much fun coining words for that substance.
The whole conversation at Peg’s has me thinking about shame and women’s genitalia and why men are thrilled to walk around with their parts hanging in the breeze while many women are not.
Often it takes a loving partner to praise a woman’s vagina and extol its virtues before a woman is really comfortable with her “secret spot”.
Men seem to adore their penises, hands down. Women seem less able to love their “private parts” with that same wild abandonment -- and I know in my case, a lot of my wary feelings about “down there” stem from the words my mother used, and other women used for vagina, including the ones in quotation marks above.
Growing up, I was told this “part” was my la la. (Actually a rather pretty word.) But the warnings about my la la seemed unending.
Don’t put the soap directly on your la la.
Did you dry your la la?
Be careful walking on that picket fence, if you ever fell you’d split open your la la. (Ouch)
What are you doing? Stop touching your la la.
Never ever put anything inside your la la.
Once, a little girl put marbles in her la la and had to go to the hospital to get them removed.
(Sometimes I wonder why I don’t have sexual hang ups!)
Even slang for vaginas seems to go to either a bad place or a funny place…and the vagina/fish connection is not only foul, it’s just not true.
Think about it. What words were you taught for your genitalia. Did these words make you proud, ashamed or confused? This question is directed to men too.
Also, if any man dares to respond to this post (somehow I think that Nilbo might...) - what were the words you were taught as a child and how did those words shape your feelings about your genitalia?
posted by mary bishop | 9:32 AM
17 Comments:
personally, i prefer hoo-ha or cooter...
seriously, though, i've had my fair share of girls, including the most recent one, who i've had to convince to let me go down on them. and, i mean, this girl is gorgeous and very open and walks around naked and stuff, but when it came to that, she felt very self-conscious and couldn't let herself relax to enjoy it.
luckily, for her and i both, she was able to overcome this fear. but it took a few days of complimenting and making her feel comfortable and confident before she was ready to try it (apparently her ex b/f of 5 years wouldn't do that and made her very self-conscious so i basically had to erase 5+ years of that crap in about 4 days).
Oy. I may not share as generously as jg
First off, my girls know how to clear me out of the room. "So, this month my menstrual flow seems a bit ...", and then there's laughter and a cartoon hole in the shape of Nilbo in the door.
It's not that I'm sexually repressed - I think we can safely put that idea to rest. It's just that even growing up in a family that was predominantly female (four sisters, one brother), sex and bodily discharges and things like that were just not considered a topic for general group discussion.
If any of us had a problem - for instance, if someone, say, my brother, were to have a rash on his penis, he would take my mother aside (because my father was rarely home) and say he had a rash on his - wait for it - "penis" - no cutesy names in our house, just penises and vaginas.
When my brother (beacause I want to stress it was he who had this alleged rash, and not anybody else) was younger, she'd make like a mother and look at it. When he (my brother, remember) got older, she would, if necessary, help him ( ... ) make arrangements to go see a professional.
And if there was no problem, there was no need to talk about it. So, like ... don't.
Look, if my girls were having some sort of vaginal discharge problem, I'm fairly confident they WOULD be able to discuss it with me, should they choose to. Would they feel more comfortable talking about it to their mother, who is, in addition to being a woman, also a medical professional? Yeah. I have no problem with that.
A dog licks itself simply because it can. That is enough of a reason. Well, we CAN talk about personal freshness (isn't that what Tupperware is for?); discharges (vaginal and penile and anal and whatever other orifice you choose); and any number of other topics. But there needs to be a REASON beyond ".... because we can."
Is it entertaining or funny, like Susie's "Booty Flies" story? Then yeah, let's talk about a trip to the gynecologist. Is it arousing and sensual? Then sure, I'd love to hear what's on your mind about your fluids or mine. Is it a medical issue or problem that I can help with? At your service.
And there surely may be other reasons we should talk about your ya-ya (is it wrong that the song "Sittin' on my Ya-Ya" has ear-wormed itself into my brain now?) or my ... uh ... penis.
And if we land on one of those reasons, let's go forward. But absent that, I say we do what my Dad always told me to do:
"Keep it in your pants."
So, great. I write a long, pedantic response, submit it ... then go back and read your post again and realize I had strayed from the topic and launched into a dissertation on my feelings about personal goo.
Fine. If that's how you're gonna be, all "I was actually talking about something different", let me say this:
I have known women who have been ashamed of their genitalia for any number of reasons - usually, it's been a childhood spent being scolded about their "dirty parts" and how they needed to scrub them because their dirty parts stink and don't touch them and blah blah. It always makes me sad for them, because it's such a hurdle to overcome later in life.
In our house, we weren't told not to touch our "private parts". OK, I was ocassionally told not to touch them "at the table" or "while receiving communion" or "while standing on the teacher's desk", but genitarially, our genitalia was our own to have and, yes, occasionally to hold.
I don't know how much more I can contribute to this conversation (without revealing more than anyone might want to know), but let me say this: a woman who is comfortable with herself "down there" ... who has learned that it is not a bad or evil or wrong place, but instead a place to be explored, adored, and celebrated ... well, there's just nothing sexier.
great... on top of this post, my co-workers and i have been talking about sex all day long... and said girl mentioned above is back in denver. i need to find someone local...
Anything regarding 'personal parts' was NEVER discussed in my family. When I first got my...monthly, I told my mom, she handed me a pad, and that was it. Period. End of discussion.
Oddly enough, I have no issues with my bit parts. I had an ingrown hair, got out a hand mirror and tried to tweeze the little bugger out. If I havent showered that day, I do feel self concious, but then I just say I need to jump in the shower.
In my family now- the kids and Phil and I, talking about sex (age appropriately) is just normal. Whatever normal is. The kids have books, they read them, ask questions, we answer. The books are out in the open, no shame or condenmation for sexuality- limited at this point because of their ages, but it sets that information, and our willingness to answer questions for when they are older.
Great post MB!
In my household, growing up, my mother was "an enlightened social worker" (i.e. she was all for tolerance and so on as long as it wasn't her kid that was gay or dating a black man. But she comes from a different era, so...) As a result, sex was something we COULD talk to her about. We just didn't cause, well, she got all teachery and so on. She'd adopt this teaching voice and go into social worker mode and my sister and I HATED that. Still, sex and sex-related topics were NEVER taboo. Likewise, we grew up calling them the penis and the vagina. No euphemisms ever. The only abbreviation we learned was B.M. for bowel movement. Because everything should be the proper scientific name for it. No poopoo or doody or anything like it. Took me a long time to figure out what those were. All things considered, I'm grateful. Still, I don't have that wear it out and be proud phenomenon with my vagina the way men do. My boobs... well, they're out there for the world to see, so that's another story. :)
And HEEE! I did a quick driveby and you know how you scroll to the bottom of a post and click for the comments? Well, I scrolled too quickly, zipped down to the previous post and the last line read "The basement is a wreck and I have no intentions of cleaning it."
I thought "Yeah, that could work as a last line for this topic, too."
Nilbo, you make me laugh, alot.
Funny thing is Mary that I'm sitting here thinking of the many names that my mom had for my brothers parts that changed over the years. When I was little, it was ding ding. (I'm laughing my ass off as I type this. Oh god, hotflash too, hang on) And then there was pee pee. As I got older, it was dong or dick or peter. Hmmm. But I only got one word for vagina or that entire "area". It was called a "Coo" and don't ask me why. I never liked this word and would not use it to this day.
I started to explain further but then I think I need some therapy first.
Very interesting comments and I think you for making them. I want to say more, but I am running out the door. I just want everyone to know I find your comments helpful, interesting, brave and to nilbo, funny!
Re names for penis, I recently heard a mom tell her three year old to stop pulling on his unit...I like unit.
In my house, my mother was always very frank and open about sexuality and body parts. We even had our own sex-ed books when we were kids, which she got for us and she would answer all of our questions. In fact, I never knew any slang about body parts ‘til I got to talking about that stuff in school!
As a side note - I think that a guy's propensity to just play with it and let it all hang out has more to do with his parts being on the outside. And for a woman, are her parts are on the inside - like it is suppose to remain hidden and secret.
I wonder of that has anything to do with it.
Oh... and guys just love scratching too.
In fact, it is something we are most proud about – to the point that it unifies us all together.
'Never ever put anything inside your la la. '
Well, I'm glad that some women choose to ignore that one! Like, for instance, my mother. ;-)
JDJ...I'm sure you are right...external vs. internal...does make a big difference.
Kimananda..great comment!!
Obviously I didn't listen to that reproach nor did my mother..!
We say gi-nee in this house and it works.
we called it a "woohoo" or "down there"
why is it that there are so many more terms for a penis? My brother Peter often hated that...
AMK I love gi-nee and it makes sense with hiney.
Effie, woohoo is also sweet and neutral...and I love the name Peter and wish it was never associated with "down there"!
Doc, then pornography would be OP Art!
Doc, POOP's pretty bad too. Your comment had me laughing out loud...
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