Bad Adages

Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.

Why not? It’s called estimating and is a recognized mathematical principal. If you didn’t count your guests before they showed up at your party you’d run out of booze and food. If you didn’t count your money before you spent it then you’d be er..um..an American!


A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

If the bird in your hand is a dead pigeon slaughtered by your neighbor’s cat, and the birds in the bush are two exquisitely beautiful goldfinches…then I’d say no, I’ll take the two in the bush.

A stitch in time saves nine.

Not necessarily.

Ever think why you have to repair the damn thing in the first place? Shouldn’t they make things better so they don’t fall apart in the first place? So you sew nine stitches, nineteen stitches or ninety-nine stitches, the fact is the fabric is fraying and you could spend your life repairing it. Throw it out…just throw it out.

Don’t keep all your eggs in one basket.

Who says? So you want me to have six containers in the fridge filled with eggs or what do you want me to do?

So the freak what, I have only one basket filled with eggs? Is a suicide bomber going to sneak into my kitchen and plant a bomb in my egg basket? If that ever happened I’d be missing more than eggs I bet.

Be careful what you wish for, it might come true.

Now this one slays me. I know what I’m wishing for and believe me if a new Jag, an in-the-ground pool and a million bucks showed up at my house, I’d be rather happy. Call me crazy but I don’t tend to wish for sinus infections, stubbed toes or huge domestic fights, so I don’t think there’s a problem if my wishes come true.

You reap what you sow.

No n’ n’ no no no. Not true. I have never sowed crabgrass or poison ivy and I’m loaded with it. I never willingly planted a Sunflower but the birds have. If you are talking to birds, then don’t bother they can’t read or understand English. If you’re talking to me then you are so wrong. I’ve got a lot of things growing in my yard that I didn’t have a damn thing to do about. I spend a lot of time reaping what I didn’t sow, only I call it weeding.

What you don't know can't hurt you.

Oh it can’t? How about the fact you’re standing in the middle of the street and don’t realize a car is barreling down upon you and in seconds is going to wipe the pavement with you. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 – you my friend are toast, so to speak, and what you didn’t know not only hurt you, it killed you.

He who hesitates is lost.

Strike while the iron is hot, you say too.

Well how about “look before you leap”? Make up your mind; you can’t have it both ways. But you want it that way, don’t you?

You tell us: A rolling stone gathers no moss but then tell us to stop and smell the roses.

You say many hands make light work, and two heads are better than one. And, as soon as we believe you, we’re admonished that too many cooks spoil the broth.

I’m just not going to listen to you anymore, that’s all I have to say. And just who the heck are you anyhow?