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Location: Connecticut, United States

marybb1@gmail.com

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

If I Wanted to Freeze and Eat Crappy Food -
I could have gone to my mother-in-law's house.


It’s so damp and rainy here in Connecticut I’m growing moss on my north side.

To make matters worse, I had to go out in all the rain and wind, yesterday, because I had a lunch date with my sister which entails a fairly long ride on a busy highway. I adore my Cabrio, but it is tiny and larger cars and trucks enjoy speeding up behind me as if they intend to eat my car for a snack.

The rain didn’t stop their speed or their desire to eat my car or commit sodomy with my trunk, whatever it was that was on the minds of the drivers who had to be inches from my bumper or they weren’t happy.

Since I don’t own a rubber suit, I had to locate rain gear to take along with me. The only umbrellas I have are golf umbrellas and are as tall as I am. It felt like I was carrying a giant’s umbrella, but it was better than nothing. I chose to wear leather pants (hoping the rain would drip down rather than soak in), a sweater and a slicker…kind of dominatrix meets Morton salt girl.

So I make it to my sister’s in one piece and off we go to lunch. She picked out a pricey new restaurant that was as unwarm and unwelcoming as any restaurant I’ve ever seen.

The place was populated with business men having lunch, but I guess two women didn’t seem like we’d spend enough money or chat the place up to colleagues – so we were barely noticed. The waiter looked at us as if we were keeping him from his real customers: four men drinking martinis…not that there’s anything wrong with martinis. Right Weetzie?

(Note to waiter: these men who got all your attention were overheard talking about their plane connections, none will be returning to your restaurant while my sister lives a half mile from your place and eats out numerous times a week.)

It was freezing; I had my sopping wet slicker with me as no one mentioned there was a coat room. I did get a very nice half glass (and these were small glasses!) of Pinot Noir to sip, hoping I’d warm up (it didn’t work) and we ordered our food. We weren’t expecting great fare now as you can sense the soul of a restaurant.

Cold décor; cold waiters; cold temperature --equals crappy food.

It was true, the food was barely edible. I’d have rather had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

My shrimp were translucent…I couldn’t eat them so raw, so I sent them back apologizing to the waiter for my mundane palate in hopes that no one would spit on my food.

They came back…looked like new shrimp as none of them were missing a bite. This group was even less done so I sucked it up…nibbled around the edges and hid them under the pile of tasteless, super-lumpy, cold, mashed potatoes.

The profiterole I ordered for dessert looked and smelled like the cream had turned. It was a runny brown with curdled clots of an even browner substance. I didn't eat these either, but brought them with me in case I developed severe stomach cramps and needed to have this brown substance evaluated by a doctor or chemist.

My sister was treating me to lunch and I didn’t want to seem ungrateful, but I couldn’t wait to leave and get warm.

Even this morning, after I've had enough time to digest both the lunch and the experience, I am perplexed as to why anyone would own a restaurant and then not give a damn about their customers.

13 Comments:

Blogger Nilbo said...

God, I love reading what you write ... "... domanatrix meets Morton Salt Girl" made me laugh out loud as I sat at my computer, which happens maybe once a week, tops. Lovely.

If I ever read in a restaurant review that the reviewer took a doggy bag with them, not to eat later but to show the doctor if food poisoning developed, I'll be sure to give that restaurant a pass.

I will say you should identify the dump. Who knows who you might save from such a future fate. And legally, you're covered by the dcotrine of "fair comment".

And I would write a letter to the owner. I'm effusive with praise when things go right, and feel it's fair to point out when things go wrong. The owner may not know this is happening in his place and may be as horrified as you were. Worst case is you get offered a glass of wine or free dessert - although I can see where that might not be a huge incentive.

8:15 AM  
Blogger Sally Tomato said...

I agree with Nilbo. Write an "Onion Letter" to express your less than welcoming experience. If the own cares, something will get done to change that, if he doesn't, that place wont be in business for very long.

I've written a few "Onion Letters" in the past and the owners were, seemingly, concerned about the situation and preventing it from happening again.

I hope you didn't tip him.

9:26 AM  
Blogger Steve said...

You know... I sorta had a certain level of respect for you... until I read that you have...

LEATHER PANTS!

OMFG.

(I kinda tuned out most of the rest of the article as I finished reading it).

Respect: Out the window.

*laugh*

12:55 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Awww Nilbo, you make me blush in a girly way - something I don't do very often.

I'd like to know the name of the dump myself - it is so new it has two names, one on the door and one on the sign and I'm not sure what it's real name is. But if you are in Hamden CT and you are going to lunch and the entrance to the restaurant is located across from a gift shop, antique shop and florist...don't go in.

weniggluckliches: I wasn't paying and my sister would leave a tip even if the waiter slapped her face. I would have complained more too if I weren't with her.

JDJ -- my leather pants are tasteful!

Actually I look pretty hot in these suckers if I do say so myself. I don't know how I was so lucky to get a pair of leather pants that fit so perfectly. Now, if I only could find jeans that fit as well....

1:40 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Sorry darling. That sounds horrific. It just goes to show you it's not the costliness of a restaurant that ensures you good food but the Quality of the Customer Service...and that extends right into the kitchen to the chef.

If you ever need a recommendation in the area let me know. I can save you money and your palate.

xoxo

2:06 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Hey LB - I'll bet you do know the cool places to eat in CT -- I was a guest so I couldn't really choose...but I know you are a great cook from the recipes you've posted...so next time I get to choose a place I'm asking you!

4:05 PM  
Blogger kristen said...

Girlfriend after my own heart! I too rock the leather pants and have many a tasteful pair that I love to wear!

I'm sorry about the crap food ~ nothing worse than undercooked seafood, blech.

8:03 PM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Acumamkiki - and you (saw the tattoo) must look super hot in leather my dear...

I love everything about leather, the suppleness, smell, sheen and general bad girl flair it gives to the wearer...yea for us!

8:05 AM  
Blogger kristen said...

MB, I will post a picture of my BEST pair of leather pants. There used to be this amazing flea market in a Soho parking lot and I got amazing clothing there, incl. this pair of leather pants from the 70's. They were too small so I opened up the side seams and added black leather strips down the sides. They look SO good and are my favorites. A friend once offered me $300 for them ~ it was right after A was born and I couldn't wear them yet. I told her if I didn't fit into them in 1 year, she could buy them. You KNOW that was incentive!!

I'm taking a photo right now ~ they'll be up in a little while.

8:47 AM  
Blogger kristen said...

Photos taken, battery low. Photos will be posted this afternoon. Talk about a great equalizer.....those pants show me that anything tasting good isn't worth it if the pants are snug~ sigh.

8:55 AM  
Blogger mary bishop said...

Oh boy, can't wait to see your favorite leather pants. I'll be checking back to see the photo when it's posted.

My best working diet plan is trying on my favorite clothing and if I can't fit in them I stop eating so much.

10:56 AM  
Blogger Weetzie said...

Hi mb! I am sorry you had such a horrible time at this COLD place. I am charmed that you mentioned me in your post tho! 8-)
Oh, I too was surprised about the leather pants...hehe! Too bad the leather didn't keep you warm. Hope you and the sis get to enjoy a nice cozy place w/warm and inviting food, waitstaff and seating sometime very soon.

1:06 PM  
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2:24 AM  

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