They call it a virus. You tell them your symptoms, which change hourly. No matter what you say -- they say, you have that virus that's going around. Yes, it goes around and around and around right inside your own body.
Plan on two weeks of ailing.
It matters not if you take care of yourself or not; drink orange juice or not; take to your bed or keep on trucking. It's a stinky, stinky virus that likes to make your throat raw, your sinuses pulse, your eyes fill up with sticky stuff, your bones ache, your teeth throb, your skin hive-up or glow with rashes; it takes over your stomach making it queasy from morning to night but it also makes you terribly hungry even though you can't taste anything. You cough and blow your nose; you get the chills and sweat.
Once the virus is in full force, your head will pound and pound and pound. No over the counter or prescription drugs will really help unless you are the type to be affected by the power of persuasion.
Sometimes you will have a temperature; all the time you will be short-tempered. The multi-symptoms keep something hurting constantly and force short, sharp retorts to emanate from your mouth - even to questions like: would you like some ginger ale?
You can't stay home from work, you'll get fired. You can't stop cooking, cleaning, watching your children, oh no, and by now if you have it, so do they. Maybe they're the ones that gave it to you in the first place? If you got it from your sneezing, coughing co-worker you'll cold cock him!
You will maim who gave it to you -- unless it is your children.
You feel like holy crap and for once you are really happy you aren't a famous actor because if you were, you'd have missed the Oscars last night.
Gastro-intestinal: Pour two ounces brandy and one ounce Creme de Menthe over cracked ice - sip.
Sinus: Warm cloths over face, every couple of hours.
Headache: lie down in dark, quiet room. Sure, that's not going to happen so take two Excedrin and believe in their power of pain reduction.
Sore throat: suck on lollipops, drink tea with honey and a shot of whiskey or just drink the whisky. Gargle with salt, sugar and warm water or just whiskey.
Fatigue: Drag your butt around all day long. Who can nap during the day?
Chills: one large glass of red wine.
Hot and sweating: one large glass of ice-cold white wine.
You will notice a fair amount of alcohol in my remedies. The reason for this is if you can't get better no matter what you do, you might as well have a buzz.
Good luck! (Day 5 and counting...)