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Tchotchkes

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Location: Connecticut, United States

marybb1@gmail.com

Monday, July 31, 2006

Monday Morning Updates

1) The house across the street has been painted. And the color is: yellow! I can live with it so far. They still have the door and shutters to paint and with luck they won’t pick pink or purple.

2) The Lieberman ad I spoke about was sent by some credit union and not by his campaign though I would doubt very much he didn’t okay both the text and the photographs. I noticed the “paid by” small print section on the ad this morning. It’s still “P. U.” P. R. no matter who sponsored it.

3) I told you how much I love my dentist Ed Kozinn, and I mean it. Husband has an appointment this morning and I sent him off with a new book on the Mets to give to my dentist. Have you ever given your dentist a present?

4) Why is it I wonder? I frequently make white rice in my microwave and most of the time it’s okay, but sometimes it comes out dry and sometimes it comes out too wet, except when I am making up a batch for my dogs.

(One of my dogs has had a stomach upset, so I put lots of rice in his bowl to calm down his digestive problems.)

Anytime I make dog rice it comes out as if I had a steamer and my maiden name was Chung.

5) Is Michaelangelo’s David circumcised? He should be as a Jew, but there seems to be some controversy over this question. Doing some research for a friend writing a scholarly article in which this question is probed, so to speak, I read that early circumcisions were just a small snip at the end of the foreskin as opposed to the “remove it all” circs you can see today.

Ergo the question. Consensus now seems to be yes, he was circed but just a tiny bit which was in vogue at the time --blurring the line between circ and no circ.

I don’t know about the Jewish culture, but today’s doctors are recommending a small snip reversing the trend to eliminate the bulk of the foreskin if the parents choose to circ at all.

6) Besides penis research this weekend, I also got some insight into the world of professional photographers. A friend who is also a photographer was sharing with me some of the requests she gets from clients. If she could fulfill their requests, she then should also open up a church or a sideshow as she’d have to be either a god or a magician.

One woman whose hair had fallen over half her face, wanted the photog to remove the hair…okay…and what else? -- she wanted the photog to create a face where the hair was?

Another person wanted flowers photoshopped in empty pots and vases.

Another wanted her to come and take pictures of Granny and Grandpa, the nine cousins, a newborn, the dog, baby and Daddy, baby and Mommy, baby and Big Brother, baby and Big Sister, baby and Big Brother and Big Sister, baby and dog, baby and Granny etc. etc. and the requests went on and on and on.

All this for the one sitting fee…really!

Sunday, July 30, 2006


Beamish Boy Ned Lamont Endorsed by the New York Times


"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?

Come to my arms, my beamish boy!

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'

He chortled in his joy.

There’s more and more hope here in Connecticut that “beamish boy,” Ned Lamont has indeed slayed the Jabberwock, Joe Lieberman.

In today’s New York Times, the editors endorsed Ned Lamont in the Connecticut primary for U. S. Senate, citing, among other reasons, Lieberman’s continual blind eye cast toward Bush and his greedy grabs for more and more unchallenged power above and beyond what any president has ever demanded.

So it is much more than the war, Joe.

Lieberman had 18 years to represent Connecticut in the senate and he let valuable opportunities to “check” this current megalomaniac president – to balance the right wing religiosity and pomposity with some good old Democratic values, to represent all his constituents and not just promote his own agenda which is becoming more and more steeped in narrow-minded, religious fervor rather than broad and reasoned thinking.

He had the power and the choice to remind the prez he hasn’t been elected Messiah, only head of state, but instead he sidled up to the prez and buzzed him on the cheek.

Lately, Lieberman can’t complete a sentence without interjecting God or Lord somewhere before the period.

Is his statement that he asked God to bring him a poor challenger and instead he got a rich one funny? Not to me…just more invoking of God because Lieberman’s particular view of God is now coloring everything he does.

I would bet that Lamont believes in God too, but he doesn’t have to keep him/her/it on his shoulder like a pet parrot.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

Yes, "Joe the Jabberwock" is burbling right now.

His humongous hubris made him dismiss Ned Lamont as a nothing challenge, and in doing so he also dismissed a large group of Democratic supporters in this state.

We told him we didn’t support Bush’s fake war in Iraq and Lieberman just flared his nostrils, adjusted his tie and toadied up to W with a beatified grin.

He gave Connecticut Democrats the finger and then expected us to kiss his ring.

He got holier, and better than the people who put him in office and that, is never a good idea.

The latest political ad I received in the mail from the Lieberman camp is an upward shot of Joe with his arms outstretched like a backwoods, evangelical preacher with a box of snakes under the pulpit.

Joe is speaking to a group of high school students who don't seem all that impressed. In which Connecticut high school was he speaking?

None, the picture was taken in Merrimack High School in New Hampshire.

(If he doesn't fire his campaign literature creators then we can expect more of these faux pas to turn up from the turnips who are designing these brochures.)

Funny how inadvertently he epitomizes in this photo, the exact reason people want to send him home from Washington.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Yes, at one point in his career, Joe was brillig and slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe, but that was then and this is now.

Now it’s time for the beamish boy, Ned Lamont.

We like him a lot. And we’re going to come out in droves and vote for him on primary day.

We’re tired of Jabberwocky Joe.

Friday, July 28, 2006



1) Please no, no retrosexual movement where men get to scratch, fart and burp anytime, any place, and women are supposed to find that erotic and sexy.

What’s with male farting anyhow?

Most women would rather squeeze their cheeks together until they are bonded closed rather than let one rip while most men not only seem to have complete control over how long and how loud they fart, they seem to be able to do it at will – and get great enjoyment from their “flatulence on demand”.

I said most..not all.

2) Best salad ever to my taste buds: Fill plate with nice baby greens. Sprinkle crumbled Gorgonzola cheese over lettuce. Slice thin strips of red pepper and thin slices of Vidalia onion and sprinkle on top of cheese. Sprinkle craisins (has to have cranberries because I say so); then Toffee Toasted Almonds you buy in a package or you could sugar and toast your own but the ones in the package are paper thin, sweet and crunchy. Top with Paul Newman’s Raspberry Vinaigrette Dressing, salt and cracked pepper. I added a handful of fresh blueberries to the mix and it was amazing. Yin and yang if you balance the sweet and savory correctly.

3) I have an impending wedding and an impending funeral to go to in the next month or so. Can I possibly find something to wear that would work for both? Black for both? White for both? Help!

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Rosé Ramblings

1) I’m really into rosé wines. I guess it’s a summer thing. Something about the beautiful shade of pink…kind of depression-glass pink, and the fruity but dry taste of a nice, chilled rosé served in a lovely, antique, etched, crystal wineglass is just delightful on a hot day. It’s just one of those small joys in life that really add a lot to my senses.

2) I love coffee too. My next purchase will be a French Press coffee pot. I already have the Senseo one or two cupper that makes a simple cup of coffee turn into a frothy cappuccino-like treat, and also have my old workhorse Krupps 12 cup, but I recently had coffee at a friend’s house and his coffee was superb. Not only did he use a French Press, he used bottled water and burred (not ground) coffee beans. What a difference in taste!

3) Cream, gotta have cream in my coffee. This is another new addition to my coffee drinking. I used to be just fine with milk, and I don’t use that much to make a difference, I thought. But once I started with the cream, it did something to the coffee that I really really like. I also want sugar cubes, though we haven’t bought any yet. I’d like a small crystal sugar bowl with ancient mini sterling tongs to pluck a perfectly square sparkling cube to dump in the creamy brown liquid. That’s on my wish list.

4) I guess my ramblings are going in the direction of taking time, effort and energy to have a few things in life that are sublime. Then the peeling wall paper, missing tile grout and scarred and dimpled moldings don’t seem so bad.

5) One more reason to detest religionists and their nasty ways: put your blogger url in your browser window only instead of : marybishop.blogspot.com (for example) put in marybishop.blogpsot.com. Misspell spot to psot and POOF! You are taken to a big fat Christian Blinking Bible page. To whoever did this? EFF U! (And I'm not talking about Fordham University.)

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

More Orts and Odd Musings

(It’s your fault, you encouraged me)

1) My neighbor across the street is having her house painted. Because my kitchen’s in the front of my house, I spend more time looking at her house than she does. Because of that fact, I think I should pick out the colors for her house and she can pick the colors for mine.

Whatever colors she chooses, I’ll be looking at them for a long time. (Please no purples or pinks, aquas or lime greens!)

2) Someone who should definitely be inducted into the Hall of Shame is one Eugene Scheifflin.

A lover of the Bard, he wanted to bring all the birds listed in Shakespeare's plays to America, so in 1890, he arranged to transport European Starlings to Central Park in New York City. (My friend Lori clued me into this fact.)

Anyhow, I now have a shitload of ugly Starlings approaching puberty which makes them even uglier (they get black and white moldy looking spots on their dung colored feathers) and it’s all Mr. Scheifflin’s fault.

3) Last year I had the big cranberry craving going on. I now have frozen cranberries, dried cranberries (and the earthen objects that might also be in the container according to the ingredients) craisins, and cranberry sauce in stock all the time. I have eased up on the craisin cravings, but have developed a whole new “must have a lot of” desire for….


{{{{drum roll}}}}

Jello.

Yup, Jello and I have no idea why. I have never eaten a spoonful of Jello in all my years until last week. Now I can’t get enough of the stuff.

My main bitch against Jello in the past was its texture; the same texture as phlegm in my mind.

I have no idea why I am able to not only tolerate but crave Jello except that husband is dumping in lots of crunchy fruits, nuts and vegetables in the Jello and on a hot day a shimmering glob of Jello accompanying our dinner seems to be delectable.

Hello Jello! Nice to meet you!

4) We’re going back to P-town in September and I’m really looking forward to stripping my hotel bed down to the mattress and finding out just what it is they put on their beds to make them so unbelievable comfortable at the Brass Key Inn.

I will then purchase whatever it is they’ve got for my own bed. A truly comfy bed is one of life’s greatest pleasures and worth spending money on. I am more excited about exploring the bedding than I am anticipating the delicious P-town fudge, and that’s saying something.

5) The pink collared, big-balled, bully cat that’s new to the neighborhood got a rude awakening when he chased my ball-less baby into the yard and looked up to see two huge Golden Retrievers. He ran like hell. I hope no one tells him that these dogs look impressive but are totally ruled by the cat who can eat from either dog’s dish at will --and the dogs will wait patiently for the cat to finish.

6) I have a cable phone system now. It’s a bit odd but much cheaper than what I was paying. My biggest bitch about my cable phone is this: when I’m talking to a certain friend, all she has to do is press her microwave buttons – not even turn it on, just put in the time – and my phone gets a huge echo.

All I can hear is me so we have to get off the phone and I have to call her back. I can’t find a single thing on Google to explain this phenomenon.

7) Two things I want to learn how to do: yodel and ventriloquize.

8) One thing I find myself wondering about frequently is how people can tie a cherry stem into a knot with their tongues. Who was the first person who learned how to do this trick?

9) I seem to be orally fixated this morning, don’t I?

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Snide Snippets

1) MIL was a doll last night forcing me to publicly retract every stinky thing I’ve ever said about her. I had so much guilt I woke up in the night chastising myself for my nasty post of yesterday.

2) Bill Clinton stumped for Joe Lieberman because it’s his duty as a loyal Democrat to support the Democratic candidate, especially one who’s been in office as long as Joe.

Lamont is a challenger right up until he wins the primary and then things will change.


Does Clinton love Joe Lieberman? No way. How could he forget Joe’s sanctimonious finger wagging at him over the Lewinsky affair?

Once Ned Lamont wins the primary, Clinton will be backing Ned. Clinton didn’t have one bad thing to say about Lamont. The buzz is he’s hoping like hell that Lamont wins.

3) Tomcat, big bully in the pink collar, has taken my nice quiet street and turned it into a feline, war-zone, pissing contest. Cleopatra, a dainty calico who lives across the street, is afraid to leave the house and my boy is using up buckets of urine trying to mark his territory. The tires of my car smell like a back alley in Boozetown.

4) Which brings me to this question: Why can’t we have all the world leaders and terrorist leaders have a literal pissing contest? No one would get hurt, we could still crown a winner who could then go to the four corners of his land and mark his territory like the cats do? It would make as much sense as the way we deal with differences today, and no one would get hurt or maimed.

5) Which brings me to this other question: What happened to the war in Iraq? If you only went by Cable news, you’d think it was over with now. The only war they’re talking about is Israel and Hezbollah. (One newscaster says Hezbollah with so much spit it makes me want to hurl.)

6) One of my dreams last night was that all the fake boob implants in the entire world deflated. I think I dreamed that because I happened to notice a bunch of balloons, tied to a mail box, which had all lost their air and were nothing but empty plastic sacks, flapping in the breeze.

7) Speaking of things artificial, if you want to put some blonde streaks in your hair, I recommend Jolen Cream Bleach. Yes, it’s made for “body hair” but it does a real nice job on head hair…well on my head hair which isn’t very dark to begin with. Try 40 minutes…that’s what worked for me and you’ll get natural looking streaks that look like the work of the sun rather than an artificial lightener. Start with one or two streaks, if it comes out bad you can cut them out.

8) I am always amazed at how much ludicrous crap I can write about when I sit down in the morning and say to myself: gee, I don’t have a thing to write about today.

Monday, July 24, 2006

A Totally Frivolous Post

1) Condi looked amazing good in today's footage of her arrival in the Middle East. Her helmut hair seemed to have been coiffed in a new textured style with a fringey bang and her hair now looks like it could actually move in a breeze. She looked great, now let's hope she can do something great while she's there.


2) You gotta love Ned Lamont's ad - the one with the dark screen, omenous music and the statement: Ned Lamont makes bad coffee. Ned Lamont is a bad singer. Ned Lamont has a messy desk. Then Lamont comes on and says (paraphrased as I can't quite remember) : Senator Lieberman let's stick to the issues and pledge to support the Democratic winner.


3) I'm having my MIL for dinner and I dread it. Husband made all the food yesterday, so it isn't the work of the meal, it's the time spent listening to her brag about her daughter and her daughter's children that gets me sick. Although I don't talk about them here on this blog, I have pretty nice children myself -- not that they get many kudos from MIL.

4) We have a new cat on our street. Must have come with the new owners of a house recently sold. This guy has his testicles, mondo testicles that are visible from 50 feet -- which isn't good as my poor boy, although he'll attack my ass, doesn't have any and is really quite a pussy in all ways. Worse, the new Tom in town wears a pink flea collar so he has a definite ax to grind.

5) To reiterate what I read recently in the paper, I'm all for a constitutional amendment to ban marriage. If we did that, we'd all be equal and I wouldn't have to buy any more presents for people I barely know, wouldn't recognize in a police line-up or worse, dislike.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

A Letter to Non-United States Citizens

I am very sorry that our president has vetoed the stem cell research bill. He is leaving American scientists with only 22 embryonic stem cell strains that are weak and contaminated with animal cells. It’s like trying to build a three bedroom house out of toothpicks and spit.

He is allowing 400,000 embryos to be discarded, dumped, thrown out, tossed in the trash – rather than have these stem cells be used to help humankind. These embryos were donated for the specific reason of helping science cure diseases and will not ever be used now for anything. What a waste.

He is over burdening the rest of the world by stymieing stem cell research in our country– now it’s all up to you and your forward thinking countries to do the lion’s share of the work.

The Religious Right is controlling American scientific breakthroughs. The Religious Right owns our president lock, stock and barrel.

I apologize that we can’t do more than wait to see what your research discovers.

I hope you’ll share your breakthroughs with our backward, third world country -- we have so many men, women and children who could benefit from this research.

It’s not our fault that our president has made a covenant with the Religious Right – a minority believe it or not.

Most Americans are for stem cell research. Many have loved ones with diabetes or AIDs or Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s or other diseases that can benefit from this research.

Right now, at Johns Hopkins University, 11 rats that were paralyzed, are now walking around happily because of embryonic stem cell research.

Their damaged spinal cords regrew the cells it takes to move their muscles giving hope to people who have nerve diseases and paralysis.

It looks like in America, only the rats are thriving.

Sorry.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Women + Food + Men = Assault in Connecticut

------------------

Another Connecticut woman was assaulted in a kitchen of a neighboring town. The reason for this assault you ask?

Cold Canapes. (The horror of it all! No wonder why he slugged the bitch!)

Apparently she and another chef - male - were working in a kitchen together preparing food for a wedding. Someone complained the canapes were cold. The male chef went a bit crazy and started hitting the female chef in the head.

Once he cooled off to the temperature of the canapes...they both continued to cook for the event - fashioning roses out of radishes and weaving asparagus into little green rafts.

At some point after the wedding, the female chef decided cold canapes were not a good enough reason for facial bruising and went to the police to file a complaint.

When asked why she didn't report the crime right after it happened, she replied she didn't want to spoil the wedding.

Weddings before weltings must have been her mantra.

I do think a general warning should be sent out to all Connecticut women to be extra careful around men and vegetables until we can figure out what's going on here.

-----------------------------------

Lieberman as Jackass

-----------

I recently got some campaign literature in the mail from our distinguished senator Joe Lieberman. He should fire his PR people as the brochure depicts Lieberman as a mule. (Referring to his stubbornness.)

This brochure is so bad, many people I've spoken to think it's an attack ad put out by Ned Lamont.

Why else would you call your own self a mule when mules are
the sterile hybrid offspring of a male donkey and a female horse, characterized by long ears and a short mane.

Why would you call Joe a mule, which is street lingo for a drug smuggler?

Why a picture of a mule that looks way too close to a jackass which is a term Joe's been called now in CT for a while?

So Joe's campaign think tank is telling me Joe Lieberman's a sterile stubborn ass?

They don't think I know that already? (Well the stubborn ass part I know.)

We already have a huge stubborn ass in our president and his approval ratings are limbo low.

Was there any thought behind this unclever campaign ad?

This brochure is about as bad as anything I've ever seen. Fire those folks Joe.

Maybe he thought picturing Ned Lamont as a lizard would be a good move. I guess he doesn't understand that the Geico ghecko is an adored fellow in advertising land with as many votes as Brad Pitt for who women most want to spend an evening with eating Chinese food (in bed).

Had to put a link to my friend Metro here.



Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Some People Don't Carrot All

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

In a neighboring town, a man was eating a carrot when his wife said something he didn't like. Impulse-control impaired (might there have been some drinking going on?) he threw the carrot at his wife and put out her eye...so to speak.

Numerous hours of surgery could not save her eye and from now until she dies, she will be missing one of her eyes due to a hurling carrot.

He's out on a $500 bond.

From my perspective, that means a set of eyes is worth about a grand. That I have enough of these missiles in my garden to put out all they eyes on my street. That even a healthy vegetable, in the wrong hands, can become an instrument for maiming and disfiguring.

I will never look at a carrot again in the same way.

Update: Apparently there is a discrepancy as to whether the victim's eye was removed or just so damaged it lost all vision. One paper used the term "put her eye out" which to me means the eye is gonzo. I have written the reporter to find out which it is as I don't like to spread false information.

Also the AP described the event like this: a man TOSSED a carrot at his wife.

You can catch a carrot that is tossed so I find the use of this word odd and way too benign for the outcome of the event.

Another news agency said a woman was arguing with her husband...hmmm - talk about bias, as it's obvious both people were arguing not just the wife.






Monday, July 17, 2006

Religion's the Bomb


Will there ever be peace in the Middle East? Or is it true, as Sam Harris said in his book “End of Faith” that the real estate that’s being fought over isn’t on the ground, but in the heavens?

I think religious fanaticism has reached such a high point in today’s world that peace will only come when everyone is killed off except one religious group where all people think exactly alike.

What religion that might be….I don’t know.

Maybe the Scientologists could develop an interest in the Middle East and beat everyone’s butts with alien ray guns.

I hated religion as a child – I detested church; I thought it was the most absurd, ridiculous and bizarre event of my week.

Staring at the image of a tortured man nailed to a cross was not my idea of a good way to start the day. Then all the talk about body and blood of Christ made my stomach lurch.

The grown men in dresses with lacy pinafores gave me the creeps as did the smell of incense …yuck.

I thank god everyday I am free from religion in my own life… (I meant this line to sound funny.)

But only a few years ago, religion was only a part of life but not the focus of every single G D thing that goes on in the world today.

Religion wasn’t worn on sleeves or foreheads or any kind of heads including heads of state.

The hyper religious world we live in today makes people hate other people for no good reason at all. It makes people do bad things in the name of mythological people who once had the reputation of being kind and good.

It keeps people cloaked in the superstitions of the dark ages and promises an after-life filled with (whatever you’d like to put in here… harps and angels, virgins and rivers of booze, never ending Nascar races etc.)

I would love to see the religious extremists of any faith use their fervor, passion and holiness to improve the world, not blow it up.



Note: My post on using small plates to keep portion sizes reasonable caused a few nasty letters to find their way to my email box. So, what the hell, I might as well post something that I can expect some hate mail but...something I truly believe. No white bread post here today folks.

Friday, July 14, 2006

One Crazy Cat


My sweet boy kitty pulled a Lewis on me. For no apparent reason, he decided to bite my ass as I sat on my front lawn in a Christina-like pose.

I don't know how my ass became prey-like to my cat...maybe there was an odor on the grass that clung to my ass causing said cat to lose his shit and grab a hold of it and bite.

I said ouch and shooed him away. He retreated back a few feet.

Then I looked over my shoulder and he was doing a low cat crawl in my direction, meowing something that I knew wasn't a friendly hello.

I wondered if this was some kind of divine retribution for defending Lewis here on my blog or if kitty had come straight from a catnip patch -- drugged up like he'd swallowed some PCP?

I removed my sandal and waved it in his face.

He gave me another meow.

I reminded myself that I am much larger than my cat, smarter and more capable of defending myself if need be. (Unlike the Sunset Circle wusses.)

He advanced forward with his head low...meow.

I tossed my sandal in his general direction and he took off.

He is almost ten years old and this is the only time I've seen him like this. The incident took less than five minutes and there's been no recurrence.

Since my ass was not decked out in feathers, has no beak nor does it squeak or have a tail, it will remain a mystery to me why kitty found it offensive enough to attack.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

My Mother’s Blue Willow Plates

I tend towards the hedonistic and have little to no self-control (see my elementary-school report cards.) If I like something, then I want a lot of it. I don’t count calories nor do I regularly exercise.

My short stature and slim physique belies my ability to drink a whole pitcher of beer by myself accompanied by a large sausage pizza.

I am one of the last American citizens who admits to smoking cigarettes. For a while, I also smoked cigars and have my own cigar clipper and cigar lighter.

I am a big fan of Devil Dogs and Hostess Orange Cupcakes and eat a box of each per week. (One orange cupcake plus one Devil Dog per snack, washed down with a large glass of milk.)

So I totally understand why people say to me, “you must have one hell of a metabolism to stay trim”…or “you work out, I can tell you are religious about working out.” Or “how in hell do you stay thin when you eat like a horse?”

Here’s my secret: every day for each meal unless of course we’re out in a restaurant – I eat my dinner off of my mother’s old blue willow plates.

They are the size of today’s dessert plates or salad plates.

They do not take up two square feet like the plates that you buy today. They are small and dainty and if you eat on a small plate all the time, you reduce the amount of food you can possible fit on it…although at times, I do create some plates for myself that are filled with vertical towers of food -- usually I just plate up my dinner on these 8 inch plates and by doing so consistently reduce the amount of food I might eat if I had a larger plate.

It’s plate-size mandated portion control.

So that’s my diet tip for the day. Dump the ten inch plates you’re eating on and find some old dinner plates that are usually a couple of inches smaller. It works for me.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Why not to have internet friends visit your home.

A couple of bloggers have hinted or outright suggested that we should get together and meet in person.

I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but twice I had guests at my home that I knew only from the internet. I’d talked to these two women via the computer for a couple of years prior to the invitation to stay at my house while visiting my area of Connecticut.

Beware of such invitations!

Internut number one: She came when she said she would, she looked like her picture, we hugged a big hello in the driveway and from that moment on she started talking and never stopped. She even talked while she was eating. When she had to take a whiz, she kept talking through the door. She talked while I was talking. She talked while I was on the phone. Nothing and no one could keep her from talking.

I thought she was this chatty because of excitement or even a bit of nervousness, as she was sleeping at my house in my guestroom and knew me only from the internet and emails.

In the past she’d discussed with me that she didn’t have many female friends.

After a few minutes of meeting her I knew why. This woman was a motor mouth extraordinaire. She also had one of those voices that could cut through steel...high pitched, whiny...sharp and probing. I believe I have residual brain damage from listening to her that weekend.

For weeks after her visit I could still hear her voice inside my head like a bad dream. During her visit I acquired an eye twitch which still plagues me to this day. Especially when I’m around someone with a voice that “carries” as they say.

Husband stayed for about the first hour of her visit and then said he had to go to a friend’s house to borrow a tool.

He didn’t come home till after dark. He called and said: sorry I can’t take her incessant, strident chattering. Why didn’t you tell me she was a non-stop talker?

How would I have known? I just thought she was a fast typist!

On the plus side, she did come bearing a case of beer, which as the night rolled on became more and more necessary for my sanity.

But did I learn my lesson? No. Had to do it a second time before I evoked the no internet buddy houseguests rule.

Internut number two: She came bearing gifts, one bottle of water and about 7 cherry tomatoes. The water bottle had been opened as apparently the basket of cherry tomatoes had also been dipped into on her trip to my house.

Still she presented these items to me saying: I brought you a little something. Here.

Except it sounded like this: Ah brist yo da didee sort tin. Schneer

People don’t have accents on email but they can have them in person and I could not understand 50 percent of what she was saying.

She also smelled like a wild boar, not that I’ve ever smelled a wild boar, but that’s what came to mind.

She was fresh from an Indian Sweat Lodge and ripe, as my mother would say.

All I wanted to do was strip her down, get her into the shower and clean her up before I had to go near her.

Husband had to leave unexpectedly to borrow a tool from a friend.

I was stuck with this woman who no more resembled her email persona than the typical undercover cop with the email address of Teen2Cute&2Sexy4You.

I believe she had a speech impediment and a German accent and maybe had had a few magic mushrooms before her visit.

Whatever it was, I nodded numerous times to statements like:

Dine fig lib line eh?

Nod

Stig lom lorp schnut?

Nod

Scary -- as I had no idea what I was agreeing to.

After handing her numerous fluffy towels and a complete grocery aisle's worth of body cleaning items I hoped we could at least eliminate the odor problem.

No…she wasn’t going to shower, she needed to stay cleansed in her own sweat so she could meditate later on.

Great.

I made up an excuse about feeling under the weather so I could get away from her and her distinct aroma and woke up around midnight when husband returned home minus any tools but wearing a Christmas tree car deodorizer around his neck as a joke.

Ha ha.

Joke was on me and my then open door policy for internet visitors.

Anyone else meet or host a solely internet friend to find a smelly or motor mouth stranger in their house??

Monday, July 10, 2006

If Only We Could…

start over in Blogland.

Maybe this time we could stay totally anonymous so no relatives or friends could read our words – keeping our written thoughts hidden from those that know us and known only to those people who have no idea who we are.

That way we could stay true to our ideals, opinions and concerns without any thought that Aunt Martha might read about how we hate going to her house for the holidays, or some friends learning that although they think the sun rises and shines over their particular heads, we find them selfish and uncaring, manipulative and rude.

Even significant others who know of our blogs can make us alter how we write – always wondering if we put this down in writing, we might hurt their feelings or make them angry which in turn will sap the joy out of writing freely about anything we care to write about.

Then there’s the odd co-worker, client, patient or town resident who through happenstance stumbles upon our blog, puts two and two together and says: I know who this is…even if we use a pseudonym, this can occur.

Then as we flop down in our office chair, the guy in the next cube says: so did you drink till your teeth were fuzzy like you said on your blog?

Or, who were you talking about when you said one of your clients owed you money – I certainly hope it wasn’t me who you were talking about?

Or, get emails like: Hi, this is cousin Sara from Boston, I noticed you wrote a blog post about an Aunt who was mean and nasty – I would be very angry if that aunt you spoke of was MY mother. She has always been very good to you and you really have some nerve if you were talking about her.

There are numerous other scenarios that come about from speaking freely on blogs but not having your personal security and anonymity firmly in place.

I see many people leaving blogland for greener pastures; they usually have been found out, called on the carpet and accused of doing something wrong by writing down their feelings.

No little diary with a lock has ever elicited such fury.

So at some point we question ourselves: Should we dump our blog and start over? Should we dump blogging in general? Or should we modify what we want to say taking into consideration all the people we might offend?


Or maybe we should just go to a stationery store and buy that old fashioned diary with a lock.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do, how about you?

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Quick Thoughts on the Lamont/Lieberman Debate

(CT Democratic Primary for Senate)



Joe Lieberman won the coin toss and seemed to get more time -- maybe because he was talking during Ned Lamont's time and the moderator seemed too intimidated and meek to tell him to knock it off.

Lieberman won on one point: he had the better looking outfit.

But that's it. Lamont buried him in the debate with his enthusiasm and dignified behavior.

Joe acted pompous and had a look on his face as if he was smelling something putrid.

Ned sounded sincerely interested in our state while Joe seemed desparately scared about losing his powerful seat.

Joe's face even morphed into George Bush's right in front of my eyes. Maybe it was the smirk that made my mind play tricks. Or maybe it was Joe's repetition "who is Ned Lamont?"

Who is Joe Lieberman, I want to ask? Run as a Democrat but do kissy face with Bush. Chastise Clinton but invoke his name. Swear you are all Democrat but say you'll run as an Independent if you don't win.

Best of all, keep repeating how long you've been senator...all that says to me is you've had plenty of time to make our state better, to do more in the senate to advance Democratic ideals like health care for all, education, conservation and human rights.

Ned's shirt looked too big for his neck, but that can be fixed.

Joe was a stuffed shirt and that can't be fixed.

(By the way, Joe attacked Ned from the getgo but failed to do the same to Cheney during the VP debates.) Where has his new found pit bull tendencies come from?

Connecticut needs new blood, new ideas, new enthusiasm and we don't need a Republican in Democrat's clothing.

Ned needs a new suit.

Joe needs to start packing.

Sunday, July 02, 2006



Happy Fourth of July



Grab your red-checked tablecloth and pile on the food: hotdogs, hamburgers, potato salad, cole slaw, baked beans, macaroni salad, corn on the cob, and watermelon.

Drag out the old tin tub and fill with ice. Then layer in the sodas and beers, the bottles of water and the mini juice boxes.

Put some Sousa marches on the stereo and dress in red white and blue.

Laugh with friends, share with neighbors, kiss the kids.

Happy Fourth of July one and all.




Saturday, July 01, 2006

The Pope Threatens Catholic Scientists with Excommunication

The pope, ever vigilant in unprotecting unborn unrights, has told Catholic scientists they may not use embryos in their stem cell research. If they do – they will be punished by excommunication.

I finally agree with the pope for once.

I don’t want stem cell research being done by anyone who can be affected by the pope or anything he has to say.

There are plenty of non-Catholics doing research in plenty of countries.

And I’d bet my white, communion, prayer book that if the pope came down with a disease that could be helped by prior stem cell research on embryos -- he’d be the first one in line to take advantage of the breakthroughs.

The pope may be able to keep his brethren in the middle ages by threats of excommunication, but he can’t keep science in the middle ages.

The U. K., China, Israel, Japan, Canada, Singapore, Finland, and Australia are making sure of that.